me, CPM

I can't believe I forgot to say too that I passed my boards and am now officially a Certified Professional Midwife (CPM). So that is very exciting for me; it's what I've been indirectly and directly working toward since early 2006 when I wrote the grant to go to Bali, Indonesia to study prenatal and perinatal customs, and saw my first birth.

Now, unfortunately that doesn't mean I can legally practice in my home state of Iowa yet. This year will be the 3rd year to have legislation at the capital to decriminalize and hopefully license midwives in Iowa. Iowa will hopefully become the 28th state (I believe) to do this. ALL of the other states are currently working to do the same. So if you live in Iowa, get in touch with your state legislator and tell them you support the decriminalization and licencing of midwives in Iowa!

Happy Winter Solstice

Well I'm 18weeks almost (4 1/2 months) and next week we are leaving our Austin lives to be Northerners. I am on a mission to eat as many tamales as possible before then. I think I've already had my fill of breakfast tacos and huevos rancheros by now, but I'll probably slide in another set of each before we leave Friday morning.

I just worked my last shift at YogaYoga, the best yoga studio ever, and probably worked my last shifts as a sub at the Montessori schools and a PRN nurse at a nursing home. Now my work is packing and cleaning. We realized we were doing this exact same thing at this time last year. We had a good laugh and mused: what the hell is wrong with us? hahaha

I've had some recent wonderful Austin experiences lately; trying to cram them in before I live in tiny (wonderful in different ways) Iowa City again. The farmers' market is still going on (temps are in the 50s here) and last Weds Justin and I feasted on vegan, organic tamales at one. A week ago we had a chakra balancing session with Tibetan bowls, where Everitt (one of my yoga instructors) put the bowls along our spines and at our head and feet and played them, as well as played the gong. Last night we went to a winter solstice gong ceremony with probably 50 other people. It started with a short kundalini yoga class, followed by laying back and having the vibrations of gongs wash over us, played by 3 different people. Also yesterday I just happened to walk by my neighbor's house, where they were hanging out and doing cleansing ceremonies with a Huichol Shaman from Mexico. He was delighted that I was pregnant and did a ceremony with me which involved lots of spitting, brushing me with a feather, sucking energy from my body, and rubbing me with something that smelled like alcohol, menthol, and herbs. In the end he said the baby was very happy and healthy.

A less unique experience occurred a few weeks ago, and is really not Austin-esque at all, but it's fairly telling of our lives. We had a giftcard to Walmart (don't ask), which is the only reason we stepped foot in there. Since we never go, it was like an exotic vacation: looking at all the people, experiencing the bright lighting, the smell of rotting produce, etc. Justin mentioned he wanted some coconut ice cream and we doubted they would have it, but wouldn't you know, they did! So we each got a pint, and after making the rounds and getting the full experience of Walmart, we rounded it out by sitting in the McDonalds, using plastic spoons borrowed from them, and ate our coconut milk icecream, while we watched other people spend their Saturday nights as well in the Walmart: working, hanging out, shopping, eating, whatever. Why this story took up a whole paragraph and the stories about solstice ceremony, gongs, tibetan bowls, chakras, and a Huichol shaman had to share a paragraph, is probably also indicitive of where I'm at in my life and what is really "out there" to me. Haha.

We're heading to San Antonio in a bit for Christmas with Justin's family. I'm excited to be making a strawberry rhubarb crisp for them. I ran across rhubarb at the grocery store (eeep imported from Holland!), and just had to get some because Justin has never had it before, because generally they don't sell it down here since it appears they do not grow it...

Loves!
Rachel

gong and bowls: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hncJzoAiAw

13wks

Well. I've had a hard time cajoling myself to update: yet again daunted by the sheer density of the past several weeks. That and I've had to feel things out and see how they're going to go before writing about them publicly.

I hated Kansas City. I was driving all over the place, which in a way was interesting, because I learned the streets of a city that I have spent so much time in, but never been the driver or the one in charge. So now when I go back to visit family, I'll know where to get some awesome dolmas, go for a great walk, people watch, and take a free yoga class---and take the back roads/scenic routes. Much more significantly though, I hated my job. I found it demoralizing. The practices of the docs/nurses and the hospital were out of the dark ages and they were disrespectful and actually quite unethical in their treatment of low-resource patients. I won't go into that because I had enough trouble getting it out of my head at night for weeks following. So since then, I've been hugely battling with the hospital and the staffing agency to get some sort of pay, even though I was only there for a week of training and one day on the floor.

After a particularly horrifying day on the floor (yes, the only day), I decided Ohhhh NO, this won't do. I won't be here long enough to actually influence their culture of practice, and this is just too demoralizing. So I quit. And here's where it get's more interesting.... Justin and I had been talking more at this point: sometimes in nice voices, sometimes in stern ones, but it was productive and we knew we wanted to make it work. Why? Because it turns out that about 24hrs before breaking up, it would appear that we conceived...that is, by this time in Kansas City I was about 8 weeks pregnant (another reason I could not stomach the ill treatment of pregnant women and babies)!

So I decided I may as well come down to Austin, TX and see how things go with Justin and me. I was not naive enough to think that just because we were having a baby that we had to be in a romantic relationship again, but I figured since we both really love each other and have had some time to work on things for ourselves, we may as well give it a fresh start, and if it works out great! If it doesn't we'll still be good co-parents. I stopped along the way at the Vipassana meditation center outside of Dallas for a few days, which was perfect. Then, less than a week after leaving the job, I was living in Austin, TX with Justin.

I feel like it's all been meant to be. First of all I feel like there were plenty of other opportunities that we could have conceived earlier in our relationship, but it seems that what was meant to happen is that it occurred at a time when we could take some personal space and work out some issues (as opposed to traveling in Mexico together for example). I also think that I somehow knew that I was going to become pregnant and had to pull the breaks on our relationship to allow some space for us to do some internal work, so that we could come back together and be great partners and parents. Secondly, I think that I was meant to go to Kansas City to work at that terrible place so that I could impact the culture there in some way--I of course made sure that the DON (director of nursing) and the hospital's director were informed of the out-of-date practices and unethical treatment of patients on the L/D floor. Living in Kansas city also gave me the unique opportunity to spend some quality time with my family who lives there. And I probably just needed be be distracted for a little longer before the situation was ready for Justin and I to proceed.

So I have been down here, for almost 6 weeks I think. Wow. Justin and I are doing great! I am so happy that I was able to come down here. We are taking a prenatal parenting class, which discusses the psychology of the fetus/neonate/baby and of the couple, highlighting the different regions of the brain (reptile, mammal, human/neocortex) and their importance in communication (etc!). We're also doing counseling. And we're reading books together on conscious pregnancy and parenting. There are some expected bumps, but I really feel that because we are eager to sit down to difficult and honest conversation, we have a super solid and fulfilling relationship. I feel so blessed by everything.

So for now Justin works at a Montessori preschool/kindergarten and I substitute there as well as at a different school. This has been awesome exposure to little ones (2 months of age to 6yrs) and exposure to different ways of consciously raising kiddos and facilitating their independence and self-esteem (etc). I also have a work-trade at a yoga studio. Our plan is to drive up to Kansas City for Christmas and my grandparents' 70th wedding anniversary (!) and then on to Iowa City, Iowa, where we are intending (manifesting) to buy a house and live happily ever after and never travel again :) I will be joining a homebirth midwifery practice as a Certified Professional Midwife (I just took my test in Niagara Falls Canada last week) and Justin will start building bee hives and preparing a honey business for the spring. He's also looking at opportunities to work with local farmers as well as maybe assist at alternative schools in Iowa City (Montessori or otherwise). We will miss the frequent trips down to San Antonio to visit Justin's parents and grandma, but they are already planning their road trip up to the exotic midwest.

So, phew! There it is! Here I am! Again, I am exhausted looking back and seeing what I've been up to in just under a couple months. I cannot wait to significantly slow down my life. Hibernating and gestating in freezing Iowa will be a good place to do so :) and we can't wait to get out of the traffic of Austin.

I just found this new video of Kimya Dawson, who is singer-song-writer/activist who I rather adore. She just put out an album inspired by being a mother. If it doesn't make you smile, ummm you should probably just watch it again :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VELferPHZIo

Love!
Rachel + baby "Cricket" (due to enter this world the end of May)

our glowing fetal Halloween pumpkin :)

Kansas City

Just a quick update to say that I am in Kansas City now: finally (temporarily) employed! :) I've taken an 12wk contract nursing job, which is at a big medical center. I'll be working rotating nights and days (ugh) on labor and delivery. The good news is, that I get to live with my Aunt Mary and be close to a bunch of my cousins and Aunt Jan/fam and my grandparents. I'll be here until Christmas. And then in January I'll be moving to Iowa City. Yay! I'm looking forward to checking out the salsa dancing scene here...

#$%$%&*(@$

I was just about to write an entry about how having a tonsillectomy and breaking up with your loved one a day apart is not as good of an idea as it may seem (or was I just being optimistic)... sure you can validate try to put to sleep your shitty feelings with narcotics and eat all the coconut milk ice cream you want, but in the end I hypothesize you end up feeling more depressed.... last night (or was it the night before technically? since I'm writing at 3am) I took my last liquid vicodin, saying no no no more after this. It's making me too sad. Then today I went to the acupuncturist for pain relief (amazing) and started sobbing. He said that eating too much sugar (endless popsicles and ice cream) was making me hyper-emotional. Of course! I should have thought of that myself... no wonder I'm crying at every silly emotional thing that happens in the endless string of movies I'm watching. What a mess I am. He was very encouraging about it only being temporary though. Also I have been going crazy at my parents' house and planned to go to Iowa City tomorrow (today)...

OH WAIT, that was the entry I was thinking about writing earlier...and then I went to sleep and hemorrhaged! (the queasy-inclined need not read further... nor those offended by profanity)

Or as I said to my cousin Ike, I god damn mother f'n hemorrhaged from my tonsillectomy site. It was utterly horrifying and really really scary. I woke up around midnight. I'd been dreaming that I was drowning and I was swallowing really quickly. I remembered, possibly still in my dream, way back from my NCLEX nursing exam that THIS IS A SIGN OF HEMORRHAGE POST-TONSILLECTOMY!! I jumped out of bed and was a little unsure of what to do for a second and just kept swallowing, really quickly as the blood continued to pour into my throat. Then I spit into my hand and saw it was indeed blood, lots. Up until then, I was also optimistic that it was possible I had suddenly started producing A LOT of saliva.

I opened my mom's door to her room and said in a moderately panicked voice: "Mom, I'm hemorrhaging." She screamed for my dad who was still downstairs working on the computer. He ran upstairs and they started to debate about what they should do, as I stood over the sink and let blood pour out of my mouth. It was like The Exorcist. (Did that happen in the Exorcist? either way it was such an outrageous position to be in). They stood and discussed what they should do as I kept repeating "I have to go to the hospital." My dad ran downstairs and brought me a cup of ice. Not a bad thought, but I was pretty sure we needed to get to the hospital ASAP as I looked in my throat and could very literally see the blood spurting like a tiny hose from a vessel around where my right tonsil used to be. I could actually see it come in little waterfalls (stop, go, stop, go) like I'd always imagined a cut blood vessel appear. My parents continued to talk and I basically said: "ok, we're going to the hospital NOW!" I ran down the stairs and got into the car. My mom had to take a moment to sit down and breathe understandably, and consequently got left behind as I told my dad to leave her, go!

He sped down residential streets going 60 as I held a kitchen glass in front of my face to spit blood into, with my head between my knees. I thought I was going to die. I was blacking out in addition to cold and loosing sensation in my extremities. Before I could black out completely, I told my dad I loved him and I coached him to get to the ER and run in and say: "my daughter is outside in the car hemmorhaging and needs assistance now!" I just kept thinking as we drove across town that I was going to black out completely and I'd have to get intubated, get a blood transfusion, and get my surgical site re-cauterized....ahh!! And all at the dreaded county hospital!! Shit!

My dad did great and they directed him to drive in where the ambulances go. I was swarmed by nurses, and don't you know it: the bleeding stopped! It clotted! They helped me into a wheelchair and then a room, and got me into a gown. Just to prove I didn't make it up though, I had to start pooping like crazy from ingesting so much blood and going into a bit of shock. And in the end, it was pretty much fine! I couldn't believe it! I'm so grateful that in addition to all the ice cream, I made myself eat pureed spinach and broccoli, as well as take chlorella, and dal gonnit, that vitamin K from all the greens sure helped me clot my blood!

They basically just kept me for a couple hours to make sure the clot held up and bolused me (ie gave me IV fluids) since my blood pressure was in the 80s/40s. I thought for sure they'd take me to in re-cauterize the site, but the county hospital doesn't have an ENT on call so they said talk to my ENT later today and see what he thinks. Let me tell you: it's pretty gross to have a giant clot of blood just chillaxin' in the back of your throat, still touching enough tastebuds so that you're constantly tasting blood.

One may imagine that the reason I'm still awake is that I'm too scared to go to sleep, and they would be right! That, and I have to make frequent runs for the toilet. And anyway, I'm too pumped up with adrenaline after the terrifying experience. They said that this is exactly the time when people hemorrhage (around 8-9 days post-op) because the scab gets all crusty and hard like one on your knee would, and it gets pokey (to use a technical term) and can poke through a place and puncture a vessel. Pretty freaking crazy.

Well, I still need to clean the blood off the walls in the bathroom. I hope my parents' foreign exchange student hasn't seen it and is scared of what sort of people we may be, bwahaha. Classic.

May you all never experience blood shooting out of your own mouth or the mouth of a loved one :)

Good night/Good morning

Looking back 2 years, ago I cannot believe all that has transpired and where I am again—basically back in the same place I was. While these adjectives may sound negative, I don’t mean them to be—it’s all a matter of perspective: jobless, homeless, single, completely unsure of what the (even near) future holds... Hahaha.

2 years ago I was in Peru and had gotten a job just before leaving, so was planning on moving to New Mexico when I returned. I was mildly enticed by the adventure, but generally unenthused since I didn’t know anything about New Mexico, didn’t have any friends there, and felt like I was selling my soul to work in a hospital. The good news was I ended up adoring New Mexico, met so many wonderful friends, and didn’t really want to leave! Now I’m again considering a (short term) nursing gig again to make some $$ before diving into midwifery.

Some things I have going for me that I didn’t have 2 years ago: no debt, more nursing experience, my belongings are already packed, hardly any attachment to anything at all right now, and a sense of restlessness fueled by a breakup. What I don’t have going for me is: the icky feelings of a fresh break up, travel fatigue, healing from surgery, and dwindling cash.

The sparkling options now seem to be:

• Moving to Iowa City right now and working underground as a midwife doing home births. Downsides: risking going to jail and losing my nursing license, as Iowa is a hostile state for traditional midwives. Upsides: doing the kind of work I want to do. Getting to have an instant community of badass midwives and friends. Living in a place I already love.
• Getting a travel nursing job somewhere: Upsides: getting to check out yet another new place. Getting to meet new people and hopefully be in a place where I can salsa dance all the time. $$$ Downsides: having to work in a hospital, potentially working overnights and probably working 12hr shifts. Being alone in a strange city (when did I get so wussy anyway?)

So that I’ll figure out…I’ve got plenty more couch time to ponder it all and search the internet for endless possibilities as the gaping holes in my throat continue to heal.

As for the story of our relationship, it’s fairly simple. For well over half the time we’ve been together we’ve had “intense discussions” (if you will) at least a few times a month. Granted we’ve been together nonstop—literally 24/7—ok not always in the bathroom, but often—for a long time, so maybe for the # of hours spent together vs. the time normal couples spend together divided by the number of times they fight, maybe it’s not too bad…. But it got to a point, like in Haiti, where I simply did not feel it was healthy. I felt like I was continuing to stay in a situation that was not healthy for me—drained me physically and mentally so that I wasn’t doing the things I loved as much, nor I feel like being myself—and that seemed to be disrespectful to myself.

All of a sudden too, people were telling me it wasn’t worth it anymore. How could I justify keeping myself in an unhealthy situation, continuously re-agreeing to put myself in harm’s way and choosing to be anything but sparklingly happy, when I’m perfectly wonderfully happy by myself? Most of the harm was mental of course, but I feel that the mental stress accumulated in our bodies to produce physical illness. The relationship had actually become toxic to both of us. We were often beyond tired, my immune system was pitiful, and he was all of a sudden suffering from asthma attacks.

Sooooo in the coming months, I’ll be able to do some self work and self exploration, as well as lots of salsa dancing and yoga. J Justin and I still have our canceled trips to Peru to use before April, so we may take our time to work through some things and then meet up there…..OR have solo trips to Peru and hope to be friends someday…

check check check

• Spent some days in Iowa City where I took my midwifery skills exam and saw some good old friends.
• Returned yesterday afternoon from a trip to Chicago to see my dear friend Rachel Ann #2, who is headed to the Peace Corps in Morocco soon. As well, I got to have some heart to hearts with dear friends and put my life into better perspective, which has been hard to get recently, being so transient and without a kula (ie a community)
• Tonsillectomy today went smoothly....there are 2 large gaping holes in the back of my throat, and my uvula is swollen incredibly huge to resemble a finger hanging down from my palate

A juicy expose update to come...

my tonsils live in their rightful place now: a bio-hazard container

pics of the midwest

I forgot to mention too that we went to a huge prairie reserve east of Des Moines, which has buffalo and Elk at times and a really great prairie learning center. We went once at dawn and once at night to see it under the full moon!

largest pumpkin at the fair (and me in my overalls)

Justin and his too sweet corn

The famous butter cow

Prairie lovin'

Midwestern style

We've had a jam-packed visit here in the midwest...not yet including getting my tonsils out unfortunately. We thought that we'd be able to get them out quickly from the conversation I'd had with a receptionist here while in San Antonio, but of course things are always more complicated than that... so we've had quite a time of it making the best of the beautiful green Midwest. From the beginning we've been really excited about the fact that it's cool in the mornings and evenings here so you can go for a pleasant walk then (or just about anytime!) We've become intoxicated driving down the country roads with all the greenness of the forests and fields. I never thought I'd have trouble dragging a significant other away from my home state of Iowa.... haha

So a rough run down of what we've been up to is as follows:

• 2 days at the Iowa state fair in which we shared a veggie corn dog, drank numerous lemonades, saw the butter cow of course, and watched the outhouse races. (We passed on the fried butter on a stick).
• The Adel Sweet Corn Festival where we each ate 2.5 ears of sweet corn and Justin had his first pulled pork sandwich
• We went on a several mile bike ride to downtown and the capital and through the many amazing wooded trails that Des Moines has (really!)
• We got lost going to the Ledges state park and instead picked up a hitch hiker and took him to Coon Rapids and then Guthrie Center, stopping at a prairie reserve and a different state park afterwards.
• We surprisingly got to see some old friends (now living in DC and Chicago) at the local watering hole: El Rodeo
• Visited Ames, another Iowa town which is significantly cooler than it was 5 years ago.... everywhere is just bursting with local food and cool projects these days!
• Went up to Decorah and went to the Norwegian museum, ate lefse, camped in the back of the truck and woke up freezing and covered with dew, visited the amazing Seed Savers Exchange, and visited the Laura Ingals Wilder site up near the Wisconsin and Minnesota borders. North-eastern Iowa is super hilly and tree covered and beautiful!! And along the great Mississippi river we visited the Effigy Mounds National Monument/Park, which is yet another beautiful park, and filled with 200 Native American mounds and various artifacts built throughout out history, dating back to 1000BCE!
• We visited my friends and their new baby in Madison, WI, where we went to the wonder-filled Dane County farmer's market and strolled the beautiful streets of Madison. We even stumbled across a radical bookstore called Rainbow bookstore co-op which only furthered Justin's desire to move to the Midwest

Also my Dad wants me to mention what a cool dog and dad I have. It's true! :)

Ioway

Here I am in green green Iowa. We had two full long days of driving and camped at Arrowhead State Park in Oklahoma along the incredibly huge Lake Eufala. We stopped into Kansas City for lunch with Aunt Jan and Grandma and Grandpa O and then pressed on to Des Moines to catch my brother, Ted who was in town for the evening. We are tired! But so glad to be here. We went for a walk tonight and were surprised that it was so cool and pleasant. At no hour in San Antonio is it not hot and muggy. What a refreshing change!

menos Peru

Well, after the two rounds of antibiotics, I wound up sick again. It's been really frustrating, because I have been careful about what I eat and my activities and sleep. After a trip up to Austin to check out houses, I came back with swollen pus-covered tonsils again, so instead of going to the MD for another round of antibiotics, I went to the Chinese Medicine doc. He gave me some intense acupuncture and 2 bottles of Chinese herbs, and a few days later I am much better! I am so happy I didn't have to get more antibiotics...another huge testament to the powers of TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine). Even though I was slightly skeptical due to my sort of hopelessness toward getting better, I knew that antibiotics couldn't be the answer, that there must be some underlying issue that was not going to be treated by just killing bacteria. So thanks to TCM my immune system is up and fighting again and I am feeling much better.

Alas.... I have decided that my body would likely not fare well in super polluted, parasite filled, hot and humid jungle Peru, so we canceled the trip. Justin actually made the executive decision and we were in fact both--despite being sad about missing the clowns and kids--really happy to not be traveling anymore. I will however be traveling up to Iowa to get my horrendous tonsils removed, as I feel at this point they are doing me more harm than good. They are filled with cysts and scar tissue and even the new discovery of some holes....I so wish I could share a picture with ya'll :)

The great news is that we have found a place in Austin. It's rather temporary (maybe until November), but it'll be perfect to give us a chance to get to know Austin, and it's on the south side where we wanted to be. It's a covered air-stream trailer in the tree-filled yard of some older hippies who built their own straw bale house. There is plenty of room for gardening and even some bee-keeping....who knows maybe even some chickens. Yay! We are very excited and relieved to have this taken care of at last.

more on Texas

Well, it's been an interesting time here... I got really sick with a throat infection and actually took myself to the ol' western medical doctor (that is the pharmaceutical dr, not the wild west doc, however cool that would have been...). He was very impressed with my beefy, pus-filled throat and gave me a shot of the same antibiotic we used to treat gnorrhea in Haiti, but 4 times the dose, and gave me 10 days of oral amoxicillin, which I just finished... I've basically been recovering since then, with the exception of a (foolish) 25 mile bike ride in 95+ degree heat, which certainly set me back a few days on the road to recovery.

We made one trip up to Austin, but had poor timing and were there just in time to catch a lot of traffic and thus didn't have as pleasant of an adventure as hoped for...since then we've been considering moving to San Anton instead. (Other days we toy with the idea of moving to Iowa City...) Tomorrow though, we are giving it another shot, and will spend a couple days up there checking it out more thoroughly. I am really excited about the abundance of yoga, dance, kirtan, amazing restaurants and food, outdoorsy activities ETC there, so I don't want to give up on it yet, though we have also had a nice time biking around San Antonio and getting to know it. Justin grew up on the SE side and like most east-siders, so I hear, hasn't left that side of town much (till now), so he is equally enjoying discovering ol' San Anton.

In other activities, Justin bought a little 1999 Toyota truck, so that has made us feel right at home in Texas. In addition we have been wearing our cowboy boots out for special occasions (like Church with his grandma), and even went Texas two-steppin' at a dance hall called Cowboys a couple nights ago. We also went down to Pleasanton to visit his grandma, where we took her to a Czech mass and festival and also learned how to can/pickle jalapenos. Yeeeehaw! Aside from watching a million movies and reading, we've also spent a couple glorious days up in the hill country. We saw hundreds of thousands of bats emerge from an old train tunnel over a period of about 9 min near Fredricksburg (an old German town) and we wandered around the Cibolo nature center, where we saw an armadillo, watched a snake eat a large tadpole, waded in the river, sat in some cedar trees, and saw several deer and hawks.

Czech festival food

Justin Robert looking like a proper cowboy

Shiner beer is the local favorite

Our beautiful dill pickled jalapenos

Hanging out with Grandma Shiller in Jourdanten

Some pictures

Tlaxcala town center, outside of Mexico City



Copper Canyon




Saguaros in the Sonoran Desert




Me and Pancho Villa at his house in Chihuahua

Economic class on the beautiful Pacific ocean-Chihuahua train

.... .... texas

Phew. I am TIRED.

I can't be sure how many days we spent in Arizona. We were in Pheonix for a bit, then Tucson over night--just long enough to check out the revolution book store/cafe, go to a yoga class, and crash at a couchsurfers' place, who we never actually met, since she was out late and we left early. Couchsurfing is amazing like that though--she left her key and told us where to look for it, we vaguely got to know her by looking at her art and sleeping in her sister's room, and then we left. From Pheonix we got a ride through craigslist to Albuquerque with a guy who was following a band around the country. It was our first of too many long drives without airconditioning...it gave something to yearn for of the buses.

We spent about a week in Albuquerque and Santa Fe, which was really nice. We got to see old friends, have some familiarity, and eat such longed for foods as a really good breakfast burrito and Indian food. Unfortunately we didn't get to hike in the mountains at all though because of the fires, which weren't actually in town, but the smoke could be seen at sunset all around the city. I had a lot of nice girl time, which I didn't even know I had been craving so much after 6 weeks with one very nice but very boyish boy :) There were even some surprises like a scuba diving trip to the Blue Hole, which in itself was a surprise trip, but I was also surprised to learn that I don't really like scuba diving...snorkel only please! I also got to have dinner with my sister and brothers (or rather my brother-in-law and his brother, which seems to cancel out into 2 brothers). And to top it all off, I got to spend the fourth of July with friends and attend the Santa Rueda salsa fesitval.

We then drove down to White Sands (having picked up Justin's car and our bikes ETC) in Albuquerque. We had some fun there, then headed to Las Cruces. Basically we were killing time until I could meet with a midwife friend of mine in El Paso. Then to El Paso and on to the lovely west Texas town of Marfa. Marfa is one of the weirdest and coolest places I've ever been in the US, and certainly very American. It's as if the whole town decided to stay exactly how it was in 1969, with the exception of the addition of a couple coffee places and a beer garden. We stayed in a $60 "Safari Tent" at a place called El Cosmico, the cheapest deal in town (actually it's camping for $20, but we got in too late at night for that). Marfa also has an opera house, a lot of bicycles, and a mix of Hispanic, hipster, occasional movie stars, and redneck culture. We had a great time riding our bikes around the very interesting desert town. Justin didn't want to leave, but we were too tired to camp and couldn't justifying spending another $60 to sleep outside. The next day we intended to drive all the way to San Antonio, but ended up loving another west Tex town called Alpine (just east of Marfa actually), and took the scenic route to boot, so only made it to Del Rio.... another crappy motel, and then finally to San Anton, just a couple days ago.

We are exhausted and have been spending a lot of time watching movies and letting his wonderful mom dote on us. Tomorrow we are heading up to Austin to look for our new place. We have no specific move in date, but we are hoping to move in within the next few weeks, as we are headed to Peru in August for the Patch Adams trip.... our final fling before throwing ourselves into our respective businesses: babies and bees, and never leaving home again :) Ohhh to have a kitchen and bookshelves and a nice bed!

.........speaking of which, good night!

Ay Chihuahua!

These updates are getting a little ridiculous...too much to write so that I'm basically bullet -pointing what could be whole short stories.....anyway....
We took the train from Los Mochis to Creel, which was a beautiful day-long adventure. Taking the Chihuahua-Pacific railway was in fact probably my favorite thing of the entire Guatemala/Mexico adventure. It was a 10 hour journey through canyons and over rivers and through tree and cactus and small squatty town filled landscapes. We stopped in Divisidero to peer into the canyon's depth and grab some gorditas before jumping back in the train and landing in Creel for a couple days. There we hiked around the area quite a bit--visiting some hot springs, walking around the wild chaparral landscapes of caves--still inhabited by the Tarahumara--interesting rock formations, strange trees and shrubs, and then of course the occasional Tarahumara person, who generally kept very to themselves unless they were trying to sell baskets. I wasn't sure if they were afraid of us, or if they really just wanted to be left alone.

Then a bus to Chihuahua, where we spent a couple days again wandering around in the crazy heat. We went to the Mexican Revolutionary war museum/the house of Pancho Villa, where we saw the car he was assasinated in, among other things. We got our last fill of aguas frescas (large watered down juices sold in huge styrofoam cups). We bought cowboy boots....


Then an absurdly long bus ride...hopefully the last in for long time, to Pheonix, where we are now. We spent 3 hours stuck on the border in Juarez, which couldn't have been less exciting, but I suppose that's good, considering the possibilities. I don't think it's necessarily hotter here than anywhere else we've been, but I think it's made worse by the airconditioning--the goings in and goings out really wares on a person. We've spent a good amount of time at the Desert Botanical Gardens which are AMAZING, and tomorrow we are headed to Tucson.

Mexico City, Vallarta, and Los Mochis!

As I have come to love to say: ¨I simply couldn´t be bothered¨ (a phrase stolen from Brittish travelers) to write in Mexico City... I was having way too much fun/was too tired. We truly did not want to leave the great capital city of Mexico. The wonderful metro system, the cheap street food, the abounding museums and parks and interesting streets to stroll, and our amazing hosts kept us more than amused. All that you hear about the danger and pollution of Mexico City must be hodge-podge to keep annoying American tourists away. One of the city´s initiatives to keep air pollution at bay is a law that people can only drive 6 days a week, and is enforced according to the numbers on the license plate (eg if the last digit is 5 or 6, the vehicle cannot drive on Mondays). I can´t say how well it has worked specifically, but I can say that I found the city to be quite clean and pleasant.

Highlights in Mexico City (DF) included: tacos de canasta (really cheap tacos sold on the street out of a basket), weekend breakfasts with our amazing hosts of barbacoa tacos and soup with various vicera on sunny picnic tables along the street, the Frida Kahlo house/museum, trying pulque, taking a day trip to a small town to see the National Puppet Museum, Lucha Libre (Mexico´s very popular version of WWF), lots of fruit with chile and lime, and strolling around the many town squares and large parks. The experience in the metro was always interesting--we were either crammed into full trains or entertained by all the venders hawking anything and everything from home-burned CD mixes to barking stuffed dogs to sharpie marker sets to gun shaped flashlights. I always wondered how they decided on that particular object to sell and how many hours a day they spent doing it...was this just what the did on the way home from their other job or did they spend hours underground going from train to train every day? And was there a subculture associated with this world? Do the people who wander the trains all day with their crap get together for a beer at some point? So much to ponder.

From there we took a miserable 12hr overnight bus to Puerto Vallarta, which was just as miserable. Hot. Sticky. Way too expensive. Tacky-touristy. We only spent about 36hrs there before we got on our next overnight 12hr bus to Los Mochis. The reason we went to Vallarta was to see our friends who had recently moved there and had had a baby, and so seeing them did make it worth it. We went to a very nice beach, took a nice little barefoot hike around some abandoned mansions, and spent time lazing around with the 2month old baby. They also inspired us with their beautifully designed plans to create a community off the grid, which will incorporate all ages, organic farming, healing arts, meditation, private space for each family as well as shared common spaces, and lots more goodness. So we will keep that in mind as we start to settle down somewhere here in the very near future...

Now we are in Los Mochis. The 2nd 12hr overnighter was much better than the first, perhaps because we were exhausted enough to sleep or perhaps because we were so happy to get out of the latter town. So we showed up ready to explore our new town, which incidentally has little to explore, and so it was a great place to just kick back and enjoy sipping on some juice in the town square. We decided to spend an extra day just to relax before jumping on the Ferrocarril Chihuahua al Pacifico (an impressive freight and passenger railway with 36 bridges, 87 tunnels, and 655km of track). Tomorrow we board the train at 7am and will cruise through the states of Sinaloa and Chihuahua to Barranca del Cobre (Copper Canyon), which is a series of 20 canyons which comprise a region 4 times greater than the Grand Canyon. I am super excited! Then to Chihuahua and finally...on to the US! We had originally planned on heading south all the way to Peru, but we wanted to see this canyon and we are super tired of traveling....so next adventure is finding a place to live...very likely in the southwest....very likely in Austin, TX.

I would also like to note that we have noticed an affinity for CCR music all around Mexico, which we´ve found both odd and delightful.

I super love Mexico....

Oaxaca

Well we adored San Cristóbal. I didn´t want to leave, but we knew we´d love every town in Mexico, and had better move on. We drank a lot of yummy Chiapan coffee and walked all over the lovely colonial town. We cooked our own breakfasts at our hostel from fun things we bought at the market and ate as much street food as we could...later in Oaxaca we ate even more :)

Next we went to Chiapa de Corzo, another colonial town alongside a big canyon. We took a lancha (a small speed boat) through the canyon, which took about 2 hours, and were delighted to see crocodiles, monkeys, tons of birds, and iguanas. We have in general been so delighted with the wilderness in Mexico--both in and outside the cities. There are great forests and fields and deserts and within the cities there are so many trees and plants. The hostels and restaurants are bursting with them. Everything in fact seems so alive. All the time you are hearing birds chirping and live music from near and far, and interacting with humans and dogs, and seeing luscious plants, trees, and fresh food being sold all along the streets. It´s like being in a jungle, except for the cobblestone streets.

Now we are in Oaxaca and we are again finding it hard to leave. The food is sooooo good here. The moles (sauces made out of various spices, nuts, chocolate, ETC) are incredible and entice me to eat meat, which I haven´t done in abundace (every day) for years. Hot chocolate is big here too, but I have to say I liked it better in Guate and Chiapas where it´s not as sweet. With the exception of a date at a fancy restaurant last night so that we could try the regional specialties of mezcaltinis (martinis with mezcal), prepared grasshoppers (chapulines), and a black fungus which grows on the local corn (huitlacoche), we´ve eaten strictly on the streets and in the market. We realized with our date, that it was actually the first ¨proper¨date so to speak that we had been on with each other.... our first ¨date¨ involved a walk in Albuquerque´s bosque with Justin pointing out coyote poop (what the coyote had eaten, etc) and then him making me dinner. We got dressed up as much as we could...he in hiking boots and his clean pair of Carharts and me in a summer dress and flip flops, albiet both with greasy hair :)

The buses are a lot less eventful (stressful/scary/uncomfortable) and certainly less diesel fumey than in Guatemala, all of which we are grateful for. We spend our days basically walking around the beautiful streets, eating, people watching, and reading about where we are. We´ve stopped taking any tours to conserve $$ and are saving our museum money for Mexico City.

Mexicomo?

I have somehow landed myself already in Mexico. We intended to spend a lot more time traveling around Guatemala, but neither of us could help it when we heard that we could jump on an 11 hr bus from Antigua to San Cristobal, Chiapas, Mexico. It was a long day, but here we are! We are both so excited. Ahhh I loved Guatemala, but I am exuding with love and joy for Mexico. We hardly slept the night before and had to board the bus at 5am, so we were like zombies all day in the bus. When we arrived, we immediately dropped our stuff at a hostel and went out to score some street food.... fruit and cucumber smothered in lime, salt, and chile, fried potatoes with hot sauce, corn on the cob, etc! Mind you, we also had some excellent street food in Guate: tostadas with beets, guacamole, onions, and fresh parsley; tamales; pupusas; chuchitos (which seemed to be like fried tamales); and mountains of tiny round thick tortillas.

We loved walking around the beautiful colonial streets of Antigua and drank a lot of amazing hot chocolate (thank you Maya!) and even ate some nice Thai food. Before that at Lake Atitlan we enjoyed kayaking, and we visited a friend in the Peace Corps in Patzun, a smallish town with literally zero tourists, which was a nice change.

May I say that if I never ride another chicken bus it will be a-ok with me! The last one I road, I swore we were going to fly off a mountain. The driver sped around blind turns putting his entire body into turning the wheel. Later I will upload a picture of the audante--the guy who collects money from the passengers--crawling atop the seats of the completely packed retired US bus (I swear there were close to 100 people in it).

quick update

I can´t stand sitting in an internet cafe getting bitten by mosquitoes while my Quetzales tick away, so this will be a brief update :)

Justin and I spent a couple nice days in Xela as well as hiked up the the highest point in Central America: Tajumulco Volcano, from which we could see Mexico. It was a 2 day journey that involved several buses and a couple days of hiking and a cold night in a tent. Not too treacherous considering it´s height though and super beautiful!

Now we´re in a village on Lake Atitlan. Today we came by micro bus and then chicken bus (named as such because it is not unusual to have any assortment of live animals along for the ride in the painted retired school bus)...the first one of which dropped my suitcase on the side of the road going around a corner and we had to stop to get it.

We´ve eaten a lot of delicious tamales, tortillas, and tostadas on the street, which has got to be my favorite hobby.

Also, I was amazed and very excited to see Justin´s new moves that he picked up from 2 weeks of private salsa lessons while here by himself. I can´t wait to get him on the dance floor in Antigua where I hope to meet up with an old salsa dancing pal from Iowa City (or rather from here but we know each other from IC).

en Guate!

Here I am in Guatemala. I spent the first night in a hostel where I met a lot of new friends. The next day we all visited a non-profit that works with the families who pick through Central America´s largest garbage dump (located in Guatemala City) for things to re-sell. The organization gets kids out of the work and into school, helps them get access to showers and 2-3 meals a day, teaches them that they are important and worthy of love and respect, and does a lot to encourage their creative development through art and play and music. The parents also have the opportunity to learn to read and write and also go through the grade school program privately with the organization. They are also helped to start handi-craft businesses like making beads and jewelry out of rolled magazine pages. I was very inspired. The woman who started it sold all her things in the US and moved down here with only $5,000. She started with 40 kids and now it serves 300 families and about 500 kids.

Then I took a 4hr bus to Xela to meet Justin. Along the way I met a couple from New Mexico and we bonded on our love of desert creatures (they are herpatology nerds and I´m more of an entemology nerd), hiking, and green chile :) Then Justin picked me up and we had a very nice reunion. He showed me around his town, we ate Indian food and drank a hot fruit drink from the night market. We plan to get going on a bunch of treks ASAP, so you might not hear from me for awhile... I cannot wait to get out there and be in the beatiful naturaleza!
love!

food and other delights

Well, it's been a whirlwind trip to be "home." First of course was New York City for 4 days, which was simply wonderful. Vegetarian dim sum, Indian food, lots of walking and subway riding, vegan cupcakes, and some new passport pages! I can't tell you how wonderful it feels to shower--and how unnecessary it seems at times--I mean I'm not even filthy! Same with washing my clothes :) What luxury we live in here.

Then to the midwest: Des Moines for a couple days, then a brief stop in Iowa City where I got to eat at one of my favorite restaurants in the universe: Red Avocado, saw some dear friends and experienced a friend's backyard prairie, visited with my 2 favorite midwives outside the wonderful New-Pi Co-op. Then to Madison, WI to visit a very pregnant friend (I was hoping for slightly better timing so I could catch her birth, but wasn't that lucky). There, I was delighted to find my longed for breakfast burrito and shocked that there is not only a Peruvian but also an Indonesian food stall!! I was also delighted to see the abundance of tulips as well as to see that people are not crazy about killing dandelions: there are actually thriving yards and fields of them. Then back to DSM, where I on 2 occasions was very pleased to eat rhubarb: thanks mom!

Next to Kansas City to visit more wonderful family, where I sit right now, packed and ready for Guatemala tomorrow. Today my mom, grandma, and I had a lunch of crepes and cappuccino downtown and went shopping--a truly girly treat, then we had dinner with the boys at a steak house, where I had a sweet-tea infused vodka drink. Kansas City is full of surprises :) I also learned more about my family history: that my great great grandparents homesteaded in Colorado and that I have some Scottish ancestry and that my great grandma's mom died three weeks after she was born--of course my big question was: who breast fed her then?? My grandma didn't know. My great grandma then went to live with an aunt in Boston before reuniting with her family in Colorado years later. As I heard these stories, we drove around and looked at different houses which relatives had inhabited at different points in time over the last 70 years, which was made especially beautiful considering the green-ness of everything this time of year and the roses and irises in bloom. In the evenings we played hearts and gin rummy and my dad and grandpa beat me basically every time.

Less than 48hrs till I see Justin, and less than that until I eat a piping hot tortilla.... :)

NYC

Omg I love New York so much! I feel like a little school girl!

Coming here after Haiti was one of the best decisions I could have made. At first I was so anxious to get back and lounge at my parents’ house, thinking, ugh, I should have just come for a day and 2 nights to do my class and then left instead of staying a few extra days…. ha! yeah right! From the minute I’ve gotten here, I’ve been bouncing off the walls with glee. A city that to me might normally seem cold, distant, crowded, and dirty, after Haiti seems very friendly, clean, amazingly orderly, so very accessible, and so filled with wonder and abundance and joy!

I am happily zipping all over the place on the subway. Today I went to Harlem and walked around looking for a clinic. It didn’t faze me at all being the only white person I saw and I found the people to be very friendly—yes granted a couple men called me baby or “pretty” or otherwise, but compared to Haiti, me sami! It was like heaven! When I told my old college roommate, Britten, this over lunch at a fancy Japanese restaurant expensed to her law firm for which she’s an attorney, her jaw dropped, and she told me I probably should be hanging out there, haha. If only she could see where I just came from though. As I told Violet, my friend whom I’m staying with in Brooklyn: I just want to lick the subway polls and roll around on the cement! The streets and everywhere looks so glorious and pristine comparably! Haha.

Today I bartered in Haitian creole for a hat in soho. I also discussed routes with a guy who was looking for east broadway on the subway, haha. 1 day here, and I’m feel like I fit right in. I never ever ever pictured myself loving NYC and even having the thought: “I could live here!” I’m sure my amusement would quickly wear off when reality of paying rent hit home…but then again, you can find things so cheaply here too! I bought sunglasses for $5 today. Street food abounds for cheap. And Violet and her roomies find a lot of good scores dumpster-diving. Plus there are so many free exhibits and classes and cool stuff that would cost a lot in say Santa Fe or would not even exist in Iowa. BUT the one huge draw back of course, is there is no green chile here… the breakfast burrito I’ve longed for, I feel is unattainable here. I tried to have Mexican food last night and was very sorely disappointed. Sigh… I got to see James, my buddy from Santa Fe (Actually from Jersey, but we knew each other from Santa Fe), and he agreed that Mexican food is very disappointing here, and it is a fact that you cannot get New Mexican food outside of the “Land of Enchantment,” where the chile consumption is so great that none can be afforded to leave the state.

Well I’ve been here not even 24hrs and I have eaten 4 or 5 apples (I’d been so craving cool weather fruits), drank many glasses of water out of the tap, taken 2 hot showers, and have thrown many pieces of toilet paper into the toilet…and some into the trash can out of habit. I have also been delighted to leisurely stroll across the street, gazing up at buildings or texting or smiling at a passer-by, instead of clutching my bag and looking around in every direction so as not to get run over by a moto taxi, jumping over piles of rubble or garbage or sewage. Damn, life is good!

Tomorrow the journey continues with a full day class in neonatal resuscitation followed by dinner in China town.

Ready to leave!

In truth I've been ready to leave for a long time...In truth I've never hated a place so much and been so ready to leave...And really, I've never actually hated a place, and never been able to understand when people said that they hated a place...so maybe this was the universe's little gift to me to help me understand and empathize with people who have been in a place they can't jive with. Of course, I'm always able to find redeeming qualities anywhere...here it's the abundant tropical fruit and the beautiful (albiet often trash-filled) beaches. I appreciate too the rain in the evenings and the hot sun during the day which dries (and I like to think cleans) my hand-washed clothes so brilliantly. Also, I love how at any point in time, you may wander up to the clinic and see some stray chickens or goats munching on the grass...or perhaps a horse, as I saw today.

Today, my last full day here, I am soo ready to leave! I walked down to the lab to get an HIV/Syphillis test, thinking it not a bad idea considering how much blood and bodily fluids I've been splashed with here. Along the way I found it very hard to fight the overwhelming urge to knock men off their motorcycle who made kissing sounds at me or called out "baby!" to me. I had to go two different labs because one of them didn't have the tests today (?). The second lab was an interesting experience...by "lab" I mean a dirty shack with some folding chairs and a woman at a folding table with a box for $. Behind a dirty (no really: dir-ty) sheet, there was a "supply" room, which seemed to just have a bunch of needles and glass tubes for blood. The one and only tourniquet sat on her little table next to the money box. I paid her the equivalent of $3.75 and she opened up a fresh needle/syringe (yes, I was watching), tied off my arm, and not bothering to wipe it off with alcohol or change her gloves poked my arm. She didn't find a vein the first time, so she withdrew it, and without changing the needle, poked a second place in my arm. Thankfully she found blood there and pulled back a sufficient amount of blood to put into the vial and send off to the hospital (no testing on location).

When I got back home, I quickly washed my last load of laudnry so that it would have time to dry today before I leave at 7:30 tomorrow morning. I ignored Ena, one of 2 house helpers (cleans and cooks) who has been asking me for weeks about this particular pair of pants I have. She wants me to give them to her and ever since she asked me the first time, she stares at them every time I wear them. It's quite uncomfortable... Anyway today she was asking what time am I leaving tomorrow and making very baby-sweet faces at me (which she never does otherwise). I do plan on giving them to her--not because I don't like them, in fact, I really do, but I feel like, what the hell? If she really wants them, why not...but I'm also feeling a selfish flash strike through me saying screw you! They're my pants! You probably won't even fit in them and I need them to do yoga in when I get home! haha. Alas...because of these feelings, I feel like that's exactly why I should give them up....oh geeze.

So I went back at 2pm to get the results and learned that she didn't understand my request for both tests and only did the HIV (which by the way was negative). I walked home crying on street, upset because there is no testing in the afternoon and I leave in the am, and I don't have heathcare in the US to get tested nor treated if I am positive, and I basically went to that shady place for nothing, because HIV can take 3 months to show up and I more wanted the syphillis test because antibiotics are cheap here and it's an easy fix....blah, blah, blah....alas, I looked it up, and there are plenty of free clinics in NYC, which I figure like here, will be an interesting experience if nothing else. Fingers crossed that I didn't incur any infections just by going to the clinic here....

Now just to stuff my face with Haitian rice and red beans...maybe one last coffee with fresh raw sugar...and basically wait until tomorrow morning! Or rather wait until 6:15 tomorrow night when I land at JFK. Yay!
****And I should say: I do not in anyway condone such whiney behavor, nor waiting for time to pass... I think it's pretty pathetic and downright stupid in fact... I should be living and thriving in the moment, soaking up what I can from a place I'll never return to... so I'll keep that in mind... as I drug myself with kava and valerian to go to bed early tonight :)

Happy May Day/International Workers' Day/Beltane!!

Today, I'm a little more removed from the above holidays, and more aware of it being the celebration for Jacmel's patron saint...all night and all day there has been loud music, cars and motos going by at absurd speeds (I always expect to hear a crash, but only have a couple times in 3 months), and lots of business in the streets. I slept in this morning and spent the day lounging and knowing (with excitement) that the coming days will be my last in Haiti...probably forever. I did laundry, made some Haitian coffee in the espresso pot on the the stove, packed a little, saw a woman in early labor, and made a delicious salad out of leaves from our moringa tree, fresh squeezed limes (also from our tree), sea salt (from the region), basil from our garden, and tomato and toasted sesame seeds from the street market. Yummmm

The last few days have been quiet. Jan and Betty-Anne left and Melinda came back this afternoon from her trip to Taiwan. So for a couple days, I got to be in charge of the clinic, which was exciting, though I was relieved we didn't have too many customers :)

I've really realized what a difference community makes, at least in how I experience the world. Before all the visitors came, I went about my day, doing laundry, clinic, class, etc, talking with lots of people, but maybe not connecting too deeply on a daily basis. It was fine, but with Jan and Betty-Anne and Dave and Kristen I had so much fun and felt so much more like myself, which is funny, because who am I to be but myself if I'm all by myself? I felt though that different parts of me came alive to interact with all the different people and the different situations that presented themselves by vitue of living with more people. Thus by having others to share my experience with it became deeper and more expansive...I got to feel like more that just a midwife hanging around, waiting for births.

Even though I had people here with me before--the apprentices, Ninotte, and Melinda--I didn't feel like I connected too deeply with them--be it for language or world view differences or simply because people were busy with their own lives outside the clinic, so it was surprising and awesome to feel like I was part of a tribe again with our visitors! (Do I sound like a lonely house-wife or what?) It's great what a difference sitting down to eat with others makes. Being able to just stroll around at night and go to the beach and actually do things since I had people to do them with was also fabulous and liberating! All this being said, I do enjoy the alone time too, and throughly enjoyed getting lost in and finishing the book: Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides (highly recommended) since they left.

Now Melinda is back, we've got a woman in labor, and I'm hoping the next few days fly by in not too exhausing a fashion....maybe have a couple babies, a day of postpartums, then a day of class, then a day of prenatals, and then I'm off to NYC on Thursday! :)

PS I also wanted to note 2 new things I've learned recently:

#1 Twins are considered evil until proven otherwise in Haiti. Thus, parents have to sort of "denature" them by doing various things, usually envolving the saving grace of Jesus Christ of course. One of the apprentices is a twin and said that she used to do evil things as a child, and had powers until her mom "messed her up." Another person in class stated that her father was killed by a twin. Apparently the powers only exist while both twins are alive, so it was historically common to kill one of the twins at birth. Also it is not common that the twins will try to kill each other, despite the fact that they would loose their powers if they do so. As someone explained to me: "don't we all do things that aren't good for ourselves just because we are drawn to do it?" True...
#2 Some people believe that if a woman's water does not break in due time, that it will come out her mouth in the form of vomit and then she must rinse her mouth with vinegar so that her teeth don't rot

happy birthday easter bunny!

In the last few weeks I have been so blessed to first have Jan and Betty-Anne, midwives from Canada and then Kristen and Dave, my sister and brother-in-law, here with me. All of them have provided with me new eyes for which to see Haiti, and thus new energy to power through and actually enjoy my final weeks here...thank goddess, as Jan would say.

Kristen and Dave were here for 6 days, which flew! We rode motos through the countryside: visiting a fort from the times of independence, we went to the beach a couple times, walked around a lot, and poked around some old buildings. It was so nice to have people to explore with and to be with people where were still amazed by say, taking public transportation that included a live turkey. I also during this time discovered rum punch, which is a delightful mix of Haitian rum, grenadine and orange juice.

Betty-Anne and Jan are still here (3 weeks total) and I continue to learn a lot from them as they've been midwives for 30+ years. Now that it's a boy-free zone again, we spend lots of time lounging around nude--doing laundry, reading, or just taking in the sun. It's very fun living with midwives :) We've also had several births recently, and I've had the opportunity to hone my suturing skills, which thankfully I don't need to use too often. I've been inspired by Betty-Anne's positivity about and success in (midwives) changing birth practices around the world. She teaches classes in letting go of fear of vaginal breech delivery for doctors and has worked in Afghanistan, Guatemala, ETC, written books and done research, and really seems to be chipping away at the backward birth practices that exist in varying forms all over the world. And Jan keeps me smiling and grounded with her honest, joyful, straight-forward manner and her stories about living in Sri Lanka and the Philippines, being a vagabond hippie in the 70s, and her family. Kristen and I decided that because of her love of maps and sense of adventure, her easy-going-ness and ability to get along with anyone, her blonde hair, and a bunch of other reasons, she really belongs in the Olsson family, alongside our own Aunt Jan of Kansas City :)

The last few days have been full of parades here. No one works and the kids are all out of school for several days before and after Easter. And would you believe it? They don't believe in the easter bunny here! haha, as such, they just go to church, parade around the streets, and traditionally eat fish. And apparently people go out dancing, which is what I'm getting pulled away to go do now... Happy Easter!

zombies

Tonight "someone" called Ninotte's phone. Marianne answered it for her as she was on the way to the bathroom. All she heard on the other side was someone moaning, so she ran and gave it to Ninotte, who heard the same and hung up.

If the situation described happened to me, I'd probably 1st assume that someone was playing a practical joke or prank calling me, and then 2nd think: oh! I hope that person wasn't having a stroke and just called whatever number they could and I couldn't help him!

But we are in Haiti, and people come to different conclusions...

Marianne freaked out and started crying. She said that a zombie had called her. I kept a straight face--not cracking a smile nor looking terribly concerned, and she got upset, saying "I told you about zombies!!" And she did: she told me how if you kill someone with vudou, then you can go to their grave-site after they're buried and wait for their spirit to rise, then you SLAP the spirit and it becomes your zombie, which you can use to protect your storefront or house or put onto someone to make them sick. I said, "Yes I remember what you told me! and I've in fact seen many American and foreign zombie movies..." She was happy to hear I knew something about zombies.

Alas my differently trained/cultured mind has a hard time wrapping my mind around it in a practical way. I feel I'm incredibly open-minded and I believe that basically anything is possible, but this one is hard for me to wrap my mind around. She wanted me to pray for her to protect her from the zombie. I told her I could believe that there was some kind of bad spirit calling her up, but maybe it wanted something from her, like to be told that it was respected or loved or understood or maybe it was looking for a simple apology. Maybe if we tell it that, it won't mess with her... She and Ninotte laughed and laughed. In the end, I found myself participating in a group prayer led by Melinda with one hand on Ninotte's head and the other on Marianne's. I just tried to bring in some good energy and tried to tell the "zombie" that it was loved...

Meanwhile in the streets the neighbors are playing the usual evening 90s love song mix. Tonight it's Whitney Houston and Kc and Jojo...other nights it's Celine Dion or Lianne Rhymes. Gotta love it all.

And the winner is...

Michel Martelly! Haiti has a new president....and I learned about it hours before the rest of Jacmel on the NY Times website, haha. People were freaking out this morning because apparently US Marine planes were flying all around Port-au-Prince and everyone thought that for whatever reason, the US would try to instate the other candidate, because Michel Martelly wants to do things like kick out the UN and drastically change importing/exporting.

He won with a 66% majority. Most of the people I know refused to vote because they thought that one candidate was unqualified and basically an idiot (see cocaine doing, cross-dressing, rock-star/gangster shenanigans), and the other was just like the rest of the fancily-educated, very rich people who had always run Haiti and done it no good. It reminded me a lot of the Bush vs. Kerry election. And it had the same result. In the end, the guy who won was the guy that people thought they could have a beer with. When word hit Jacmel that he won, motos honked and sped down the street and excited citizens paraded. People are really happy that someone "like them" without a college education and who came out of nothing could win a presidential election, and they have hope that maybe he can do something for their country, since no one else has. I can't say that I blame them for trying something new.

48hrs in Haiti

I was planning to write about a crazy 24hr time period here, as it seemed to be wrapping up...and then I got swept up in more madness, so now to tell the tale of 48hrs here in Haiti (a week after the fact, as I am just now recovering):

• I awoke minutes before Ninotte called me to the dome because a baby had a slow heart beat and they were worried they might need help when the baby was born. The baby was born just fine however, with a cord around it's neck
• I stayed up at the dome as another girl was in labor
• Swafet (grounds-man) cracked his head open. He wouldn't let me stitch it, so I steri-stripped it...
• Another girl came in labor...and then another
• Meanwhile the water ran out up at the dome and I had to go down to fetch water in buckets so that we could wash our hands and flush the toilet
• That night I slept up at the dome with the 3 labor patients all egging each other on with labor pains. In truth, only one of them was in active labor and the other were just getting infected with the energy... One of the patient's parents started to sing a prayer... another patient's mom started to chant very loudly and frantically (I assumed it was vudou-related by how it sounded, but the apprentice told me that's just how some people pray to Jesus) ...the dome's energy was out of control. We kept trying to ask people to keep it down so as not to provoke the other patients further/let everyone sleep, but it just keep slipping out of control. Somewhere around 3am, I think I fell asleep for an hour. I was up and down a million times though: massaging, consoling, doling out homeopathics, and trying to get them to just sleep!
• In the morning, I helped apprentice, Marianne, clean the clinic, and then we went down to shower and eat. Then the post-natals visits till noon, but not before a fight broke out in the tent camp, which is squats on our land....
• At post-natals I was so tired, I felt like I was in another world. I got to amputate the little hanging extra pinkie of a baby born a few days prior (no bone attached it to the hand). The baby had actually had another extra hanging pinkie on the other hand, but it fell off in transit from the shower where babe had been born (see earlier entry) to her room in the dome...may those pinkies find each other to rest in peace... Another woman brought her baby for a visit, who we'd seen the week before and referred to the doctor, because he was making a very odd noise in his throat. She told us that she did not go to the doctor, but her husband went to the vudou priest and did a ceremony, and the baby has been cured since... On a similar note, we've had fewer births recently and apparently the women aren't coming, especially if they go into labor at night, because our neighborhood specifically has a lot of "bad spirits"...
• We transfered the patient who had been actively laboring for 3 days to the hospital and sent the other two home to eat/walk/bathe/etc since they weren't really active in labor.
• Later that day we heard that a guy in the tent camp has been sick with a fever for 22 days and won't go to the doctor because a vudou priest told him that someone had put 5 zombies on his head and that he needed to keep coming to him (and paying him) to fix it...in reality he probably has malaria, which is a fairly quick and inexpensive fix...
• Every Sunday in Lent there are Catholic-Vudou parades, which are loud and crazy, and just happened to take place during this 48hrs
• We got the 2 laboring patients back later that day, plus another who delivered quickly.
• I went to bed, thinking, great! A good night's sleep after an action-packed day and night (Melinda and Ninotte were up at the dome). Just before I was about to crash however, I got a call because both women were about to deliver at the same time-ish and so I may as well be there. I caught the first baby, who scared me a little with his tight-fitting shoulders... 4 MINUTES later, the other baby was born and needed resuscitation... I had to leave my mom and babe to the care of an apprentice to help. Thankfully the baby did fine, but just about then, my mom started to hemorrhage (big baby, long labor, probably not great nutrition). We all had to hop back to my patient's room (thankfully they're only actually divided by a sheet), and throw in an IV, give her shots of pitocin, catheterize her bladder, squeeze her uterus....it was like being back in the hospital...Crazy!! Thankfully we were all up there!
• ....and then another mom came in labor! Much to our delight, she wasn't really in labor and we told her to just sleep... The moms and babies all ended up doing great, and we headed to bed around 4:30am...
• The following day was a class day for apprentices, so we just called it off. I slept till 10, and then we discharged the 3 moms and sent home the not very active labor, and cleaned the clinic. I was still running on adrenaline that day and continued going (without having anything to really do, but feeling too strung out to sleep) until the evening
• The following few days I felt like a total zombie (but not of the vudou variety who harm people)... Only today would I say that I finally recovered (several days past)

ewww

I used to abhor the use of cleaning chemicals and bleach (for reasons of personal health and environmental health)... I've always just used vinegar, grapefruit seed extract, or some kind of naturally prepared product. I don't even like to swim in pools... So when I got here I'd wear gloves to touch almost anything in the clinic including the bottle of bleach water that we clean things with, as I didn't want to even touch it..... Now I find myself with a different way of going about things, as I'm often in the situation of touching filthy things without gloves. Thus I find myself spraying my entire body with the bleach solution--legs, arms, hands, etc after inevitably coming into contact with bodily fluids, questionable looking skin (fungally/bacterially infected or scabies filled or otherwise...) stepping into puddles of things, etc. Since there's often no running water up at the clinic and hand sanitizer gets gross after a couple applications (not to mention it's limited in quantity), it seems to be the easiest thing. Recently I have just been trying to clean myself after coming in contact with things, as contact is inevitable (see catching babies in flip flops...), and having to believe "I do not believe in bacteria/viruses/fungus/nor the danger of cleaning chemicals ETC!" (repeat, repeat, repeat) (in addition to my prior mantra of "i do not believe in scabies")

Anyway, we wash our dishes in bleach water too and I feel like the chlorox is starting to seep out of my pores, so maybe it will protect me....eep! (yes, this is a delusion I realize) I just hope all this bleach doesn't damage my fertility or something.... I know that people who drink chlorinated water are at much greater risk of developing cancers (especially bladder cancer, presumably because it's sitting in there until you pee it out?). For now though, I am choosing the risks of chlorine exposure over persistent fungal infections (I keep getting them on my arms and neck!) and whatever other many kinds of parasitic, viral, and bacterial (etc) things are creeping around the clinic.... Ew. Only one more month...

respire

I was awoken this morning by the cook running into my room yelling: Acouchmant; Melinda! (birth! and the name of the other midwife!) I took that to mean that Melinda needed me, so I ran out of bed in my short pirate shorts and tank top...never expecting that it would by my costume for the rest of the day.

I arrived to the dome and no one was there....very odd... I heard noises from the outside cement shower stall (where there's not an actual shower installed yet, but women take buckets there to bathe with). Just as I got there, a baby splashed into the world, into apprentice: Ninotte's hands, with Melinda at her side. They had just gotten there themselves. Melinda said she was on the toilet when she heard word of the imminent birth and didn't have a chance to flush, haha. Thankfully the baby and mom did very well.

I went down for breakfast, thinking I'd shower and get ready for the day next. I was called up to the dome again shortly after, however. There was another girl who'd come in labor who I needed to keep a close eye on (with her water broken for a day and a half), and then a post-partum visit, and then I did the newborn exam on the new baby and eventually sent them home (they usually stay about 4 hours)...then the other baby was born, and we had a girl come in pre-term labor with a urinary infection...and I'm meanwhile semi-freaking out about how the guy who is "cleaning the well" is dumping what looks like sewage onto the freshly planted garden and the "neighbor" (a guy that is actually just squatting on our land) is burning a massive pile of trash with a huge cloud of disgusting smoke floating towards the dome.... By the time I got back it was about 7pm and I was exhausted...thankfully someone had brought me lunch at least. I was still without a shower, smelling of birth, bra-less and in pirate pajama shorts...

I felt really strung out, and though the shower and food helped, I was still feeling a little crazy... Then it started to pour rain. Ahhhhhhhhh. I went outside and pulled the laundry off the line, laughing, and stashed it in a safe spot. Then I kicked back on the deck and listened to it come down. The rain was exactly what I needed. I hadn't even imagined such a possibility. My mind was so clouded and strung out, and then burst! The skies brought rain down upon Jacmel and I felt total peace again. It was perfect. I sat with my eyes closed and let everything move through me... I was reminded that everything is perfect and when I let go of my grip I can see that the universe is working it's own magic and I needn't try to control a single thing...

Positivity --> more positivity!

I've been trying to be really positive recently after a period of some darkness and supreme self-pity/hating of Haiti. It has been made much easier by staying in the clinic/house compound and not being bothered by the hell-ish streets, and also has come out of meditating regularly. Making time for some yoga and exercises (looking for excuses to walk upstairs to the clinic, etc) has also been great. Anyway, I notice the more I foster positivity within myself, no matter what happens, I am happier and I am actually given more reasons to be happy because happy positive things just float my way!

Yesterday was a glorious day. A couchsurfer contacted me who I'd met at Carnival and never thought I'd see again, figuring he was just traveling around. He had so much fun apparently, that he decided to stay in Haiti for a couple months (he lives outside of Jacmel in a much nicer part...). He had bought a motor bike and picked me up to head out of Jacmel for the afternoon--YAY!! I felt instantly better upon leaving the chaotic dirty streets for country-side pastures, banana trees, and small towns with people hanging out causally in front of their buildings. The farther away we got, the better it was.

By far my favorite moment was bouncing through a rocky muddy road on some woman's farm on the moto bike and ending at a small beach. We passed all kinds of adorable fluffy baby goats along the way, which pushed me to the edge of giggly mania with each sight of one. Near the beach there were cows hanging out and some people lazily passing the hot afternoon, but other than that, just us and another Couchsurfer who had showed us the way to this amazing place. The three of us did some snorkeling, which was a beautiful surprise--bright blue fish, shocking coral reefs and oddly shaped sea creatures. I was like a kid, and so happy! They said I looked like a fish out there, swimming around for who knows how long. I didn't even realize I was tired or sun burnt until I got out...nor did I feel afraid of the ocean as I normally kind of do, being a midwestern girl and all :) Ahhh it was so great! Then we had dinner at a little nameless "restaurant" outside of someone's home for $3 (very cheap for Haiti; their prices are normally comparable to American, which of course is crazy considering the minimum wage for a non-factory worker is something like $4/DAY).

Ah yes, so I am happy again :) I've realized that the trick for me is #1 pretending to be happy even if I'm not because, the joy catches up shortly #2 visualizing and intending positive outcomes, and watching in amazement as they inevitably manifest #3 just getting out into nature and/or connecting with like-minded people if possible

#3 Reminded me of one of my amazing discoveries during my 9 days without leaving the house/clinic compound which completely inspired and astonished me....We have this incredible vine that grows loofah on it (the sponges you can use to clean your dishes). Not only is the end product lovely--you crack the sponges out of their little casings and there are seeds inside of them which make a sort of soap when wet to clean with!--but the entire plant. I examined how the vines grow up the rocks---reaching out blindly, curling around twigs, inserting themselves and sticking (really sticking) itself into rock crevices, and creeping up the rock wall. It's amazing! When I need inspiration now...I think of that crazy intelligent plant.

OK, these pictures were taken at night (yes, I became that excited about the plant upon writing this); hopefully you can see it's wonderment...check out how it reaches out and attaches itself to whatever it can find...