Ready to leave!

In truth I've been ready to leave for a long time...In truth I've never hated a place so much and been so ready to leave...And really, I've never actually hated a place, and never been able to understand when people said that they hated a place...so maybe this was the universe's little gift to me to help me understand and empathize with people who have been in a place they can't jive with. Of course, I'm always able to find redeeming qualities anywhere...here it's the abundant tropical fruit and the beautiful (albiet often trash-filled) beaches. I appreciate too the rain in the evenings and the hot sun during the day which dries (and I like to think cleans) my hand-washed clothes so brilliantly. Also, I love how at any point in time, you may wander up to the clinic and see some stray chickens or goats munching on the grass...or perhaps a horse, as I saw today.

Today, my last full day here, I am soo ready to leave! I walked down to the lab to get an HIV/Syphillis test, thinking it not a bad idea considering how much blood and bodily fluids I've been splashed with here. Along the way I found it very hard to fight the overwhelming urge to knock men off their motorcycle who made kissing sounds at me or called out "baby!" to me. I had to go two different labs because one of them didn't have the tests today (?). The second lab was an interesting experience...by "lab" I mean a dirty shack with some folding chairs and a woman at a folding table with a box for $. Behind a dirty (no really: dir-ty) sheet, there was a "supply" room, which seemed to just have a bunch of needles and glass tubes for blood. The one and only tourniquet sat on her little table next to the money box. I paid her the equivalent of $3.75 and she opened up a fresh needle/syringe (yes, I was watching), tied off my arm, and not bothering to wipe it off with alcohol or change her gloves poked my arm. She didn't find a vein the first time, so she withdrew it, and without changing the needle, poked a second place in my arm. Thankfully she found blood there and pulled back a sufficient amount of blood to put into the vial and send off to the hospital (no testing on location).

When I got back home, I quickly washed my last load of laudnry so that it would have time to dry today before I leave at 7:30 tomorrow morning. I ignored Ena, one of 2 house helpers (cleans and cooks) who has been asking me for weeks about this particular pair of pants I have. She wants me to give them to her and ever since she asked me the first time, she stares at them every time I wear them. It's quite uncomfortable... Anyway today she was asking what time am I leaving tomorrow and making very baby-sweet faces at me (which she never does otherwise). I do plan on giving them to her--not because I don't like them, in fact, I really do, but I feel like, what the hell? If she really wants them, why not...but I'm also feeling a selfish flash strike through me saying screw you! They're my pants! You probably won't even fit in them and I need them to do yoga in when I get home! haha. Alas...because of these feelings, I feel like that's exactly why I should give them up....oh geeze.

So I went back at 2pm to get the results and learned that she didn't understand my request for both tests and only did the HIV (which by the way was negative). I walked home crying on street, upset because there is no testing in the afternoon and I leave in the am, and I don't have heathcare in the US to get tested nor treated if I am positive, and I basically went to that shady place for nothing, because HIV can take 3 months to show up and I more wanted the syphillis test because antibiotics are cheap here and it's an easy fix....blah, blah, blah....alas, I looked it up, and there are plenty of free clinics in NYC, which I figure like here, will be an interesting experience if nothing else. Fingers crossed that I didn't incur any infections just by going to the clinic here....

Now just to stuff my face with Haitian rice and red beans...maybe one last coffee with fresh raw sugar...and basically wait until tomorrow morning! Or rather wait until 6:15 tomorrow night when I land at JFK. Yay!
****And I should say: I do not in anyway condone such whiney behavor, nor waiting for time to pass... I think it's pretty pathetic and downright stupid in fact... I should be living and thriving in the moment, soaking up what I can from a place I'll never return to... so I'll keep that in mind... as I drug myself with kava and valerian to go to bed early tonight :)

Happy May Day/International Workers' Day/Beltane!!

Today, I'm a little more removed from the above holidays, and more aware of it being the celebration for Jacmel's patron saint...all night and all day there has been loud music, cars and motos going by at absurd speeds (I always expect to hear a crash, but only have a couple times in 3 months), and lots of business in the streets. I slept in this morning and spent the day lounging and knowing (with excitement) that the coming days will be my last in Haiti...probably forever. I did laundry, made some Haitian coffee in the espresso pot on the the stove, packed a little, saw a woman in early labor, and made a delicious salad out of leaves from our moringa tree, fresh squeezed limes (also from our tree), sea salt (from the region), basil from our garden, and tomato and toasted sesame seeds from the street market. Yummmm

The last few days have been quiet. Jan and Betty-Anne left and Melinda came back this afternoon from her trip to Taiwan. So for a couple days, I got to be in charge of the clinic, which was exciting, though I was relieved we didn't have too many customers :)

I've really realized what a difference community makes, at least in how I experience the world. Before all the visitors came, I went about my day, doing laundry, clinic, class, etc, talking with lots of people, but maybe not connecting too deeply on a daily basis. It was fine, but with Jan and Betty-Anne and Dave and Kristen I had so much fun and felt so much more like myself, which is funny, because who am I to be but myself if I'm all by myself? I felt though that different parts of me came alive to interact with all the different people and the different situations that presented themselves by vitue of living with more people. Thus by having others to share my experience with it became deeper and more expansive...I got to feel like more that just a midwife hanging around, waiting for births.

Even though I had people here with me before--the apprentices, Ninotte, and Melinda--I didn't feel like I connected too deeply with them--be it for language or world view differences or simply because people were busy with their own lives outside the clinic, so it was surprising and awesome to feel like I was part of a tribe again with our visitors! (Do I sound like a lonely house-wife or what?) It's great what a difference sitting down to eat with others makes. Being able to just stroll around at night and go to the beach and actually do things since I had people to do them with was also fabulous and liberating! All this being said, I do enjoy the alone time too, and throughly enjoyed getting lost in and finishing the book: Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides (highly recommended) since they left.

Now Melinda is back, we've got a woman in labor, and I'm hoping the next few days fly by in not too exhausing a fashion....maybe have a couple babies, a day of postpartums, then a day of class, then a day of prenatals, and then I'm off to NYC on Thursday! :)

PS I also wanted to note 2 new things I've learned recently:

#1 Twins are considered evil until proven otherwise in Haiti. Thus, parents have to sort of "denature" them by doing various things, usually envolving the saving grace of Jesus Christ of course. One of the apprentices is a twin and said that she used to do evil things as a child, and had powers until her mom "messed her up." Another person in class stated that her father was killed by a twin. Apparently the powers only exist while both twins are alive, so it was historically common to kill one of the twins at birth. Also it is not common that the twins will try to kill each other, despite the fact that they would loose their powers if they do so. As someone explained to me: "don't we all do things that aren't good for ourselves just because we are drawn to do it?" True...
#2 Some people believe that if a woman's water does not break in due time, that it will come out her mouth in the form of vomit and then she must rinse her mouth with vinegar so that her teeth don't rot

happy birthday easter bunny!

In the last few weeks I have been so blessed to first have Jan and Betty-Anne, midwives from Canada and then Kristen and Dave, my sister and brother-in-law, here with me. All of them have provided with me new eyes for which to see Haiti, and thus new energy to power through and actually enjoy my final weeks here...thank goddess, as Jan would say.

Kristen and Dave were here for 6 days, which flew! We rode motos through the countryside: visiting a fort from the times of independence, we went to the beach a couple times, walked around a lot, and poked around some old buildings. It was so nice to have people to explore with and to be with people where were still amazed by say, taking public transportation that included a live turkey. I also during this time discovered rum punch, which is a delightful mix of Haitian rum, grenadine and orange juice.

Betty-Anne and Jan are still here (3 weeks total) and I continue to learn a lot from them as they've been midwives for 30+ years. Now that it's a boy-free zone again, we spend lots of time lounging around nude--doing laundry, reading, or just taking in the sun. It's very fun living with midwives :) We've also had several births recently, and I've had the opportunity to hone my suturing skills, which thankfully I don't need to use too often. I've been inspired by Betty-Anne's positivity about and success in (midwives) changing birth practices around the world. She teaches classes in letting go of fear of vaginal breech delivery for doctors and has worked in Afghanistan, Guatemala, ETC, written books and done research, and really seems to be chipping away at the backward birth practices that exist in varying forms all over the world. And Jan keeps me smiling and grounded with her honest, joyful, straight-forward manner and her stories about living in Sri Lanka and the Philippines, being a vagabond hippie in the 70s, and her family. Kristen and I decided that because of her love of maps and sense of adventure, her easy-going-ness and ability to get along with anyone, her blonde hair, and a bunch of other reasons, she really belongs in the Olsson family, alongside our own Aunt Jan of Kansas City :)

The last few days have been full of parades here. No one works and the kids are all out of school for several days before and after Easter. And would you believe it? They don't believe in the easter bunny here! haha, as such, they just go to church, parade around the streets, and traditionally eat fish. And apparently people go out dancing, which is what I'm getting pulled away to go do now... Happy Easter!

zombies

Tonight "someone" called Ninotte's phone. Marianne answered it for her as she was on the way to the bathroom. All she heard on the other side was someone moaning, so she ran and gave it to Ninotte, who heard the same and hung up.

If the situation described happened to me, I'd probably 1st assume that someone was playing a practical joke or prank calling me, and then 2nd think: oh! I hope that person wasn't having a stroke and just called whatever number they could and I couldn't help him!

But we are in Haiti, and people come to different conclusions...

Marianne freaked out and started crying. She said that a zombie had called her. I kept a straight face--not cracking a smile nor looking terribly concerned, and she got upset, saying "I told you about zombies!!" And she did: she told me how if you kill someone with vudou, then you can go to their grave-site after they're buried and wait for their spirit to rise, then you SLAP the spirit and it becomes your zombie, which you can use to protect your storefront or house or put onto someone to make them sick. I said, "Yes I remember what you told me! and I've in fact seen many American and foreign zombie movies..." She was happy to hear I knew something about zombies.

Alas my differently trained/cultured mind has a hard time wrapping my mind around it in a practical way. I feel I'm incredibly open-minded and I believe that basically anything is possible, but this one is hard for me to wrap my mind around. She wanted me to pray for her to protect her from the zombie. I told her I could believe that there was some kind of bad spirit calling her up, but maybe it wanted something from her, like to be told that it was respected or loved or understood or maybe it was looking for a simple apology. Maybe if we tell it that, it won't mess with her... She and Ninotte laughed and laughed. In the end, I found myself participating in a group prayer led by Melinda with one hand on Ninotte's head and the other on Marianne's. I just tried to bring in some good energy and tried to tell the "zombie" that it was loved...

Meanwhile in the streets the neighbors are playing the usual evening 90s love song mix. Tonight it's Whitney Houston and Kc and Jojo...other nights it's Celine Dion or Lianne Rhymes. Gotta love it all.