last LMP...

Wow, today marks the day of my LMP...which in the midwifery/obgyn world, means 40weeks until a due date...which in my case was 5 days off.  In any case, it's been a whole year since I've had a period, and that's sure been exciting!  :)  This means that in 2 weeks...it's been a year since little Aster was conceived into this world... from a tiny bundle of cells, to a huge 3 month old, 15lb, smiling, laughing, getting poop in his tiny perfect ear, person.

I guess I should go ahead and update by saying that "Cricket" was born May 17th.  He surprised us all by having a penis... and a labial frenulum which made him tongue tied... only the latter of which was snipped :)  He was born into a blow up tub in our living room.

I had gone into labor a day and a half prior, after attending a kirtan with John deKadt at a friend's house.  In between songs, you could hear the wilderness alive outside her open doors and windows: bull frogs, cicadas, crickets, etc.  It was magical.  I went home so energized by the music and chanting that I stayed up and "nested"  before going into early labor, and getting only a few hours of sleep.  From the wee hours of the 16th until the morning of the 17th I had contractions every 5 minutes, lasting about a minute.

The day of the 16th I still went about my business: went grocery shopping, went to the bank to close my evil Wells Fargo account, and went out to dinner with my parents and Justin--the chairs at Thai Spice couldn't have been harder...  I drugged myself with Valerian capsules that night so I could get some sleep, knowing that the next day would probably bring tougher labor. I slept well until around 5am, when Justin and I awoke together and we cuddled and chatted.  He had his leg between mine and could feel the contractions baring down through my body.  Around 6am my water broke and I got into the bathtub to ease the discomfort, not knowing I was really in labor.  I told Justin to go on to work, but thankfully he called Kathy (the midwife) instead, who told him to stay home.


Monica and Kathy arrived around 8 and checked me.  I was 5-6cm.  I spent most of the time vertical: sitting on the pot, squatting, or at least on hands and knees.  At no point did I lie down.  I could understand why women in the hospitals get epidurals...if I was forced to lie down or have a monitor strapped to me, I'd have said F natural childbirth too!  But I'm so glad, SO GLAD, that I got to have him right at home so that I did get to experience his journey into the world and palpate my journey into motherhood.  I was the first person to touch him and Justin the 2nd, and I never had to do anything that didn't make sense for my body.  He ended up with an enormous cone head to the right side: a sign that he was in there wonky, which probably would have meant a very long labor if I would have been laying down.  I felt like the fact that I could feel what was going on and move appropriately, helped him shift and do what he needed to do to navigate his way down the chute.  He arrived around 2:30 in the afternoon.  I remember eyeing the clock and thinking, if I just get him out by 2, I can have Huevos Rancheros from the Wedge.  Alas I just missed them.  I remember more than anything from my labor, feeling extreme exhaustion.  I just wanted to go to sleep...I mean: it hurt too, don't get me wrong, but I just remember being in the tub thinking: if I could just make it stop for a minute so I could rest....  Alas, he was born shortly after.   I was kneeling and caught him myself, bringing him out of the water, and noticing several minutes later that he was in fact a he.

The best part was how normal it was...I mean: I woke up in my bed, 2 of my best friends came over (the midwives), I didn't want anyone to touch me and I barely spoke: I was like a cave woman who knew only "water" "coconut (water)" and "honey", and then when the baby came out, I snapped back into the world, and laid down on my couch, where they stitched me up and I hung out for the rest of the day, before sleeping in my own bed and showering in my own shower.

Well the last 3 months have flown by.  We have friends who have a baby boy 2 weeks older than Aster, so we spend a lot of time with them and we breastfeed each others' babies so the parents can have dates.  Aster is now sporting tricks such as holding his head up and flirting with sitting up and rolling over.  He's pooping and peeing on a little potty (really!) and cooing/babbling/laughing.  He has the greatest smile/laugh, and he is smiley from the moment he wakes up in the morning.  His favorite things are my breasts, the ceiling fan, dad's songs, and falling asleep on one of us while we walk around.  He was named for the prairie flowers in bloom at the time of his birth, which we saw at the Coralville Res a few days before he was born.

All is well here.  We are all just tired... I've attended 3 births since his birth.  Justin is working at the Coralville Co-op.  And Aster is packing on the pounds. Lots of our friends have had babies recently and I have a whole new respect for parents... I thought being pregnant was supposed to be an ordeal, but it's sort of a joke compared to the immediate post-partum period, which for me entailed a lot of sweating and crying and curling my toes under from breastfeeding...thankfully only the fatigue remains, but it's just become a normal part of life... I just battle it with lots of sugar, which has varying results...mostly it just makes me crabbier than necessary, but what can I say?  I'm still learning....
That's it for now, folks.
Love!  Aster's mom

Aster with some Asters

Aster with his big bro, Fen

Look, a milipede!

 a couple days

 a couple weeks

12 weeks

Just a week to go until baby "Cricket" arrives...which basically means it could be at any moment... I'm getting anxious for him/her to come already, though I have moments of clarity when I realize oh yes...but then she'll be here forever, which will surely be wonderful, but let's enjoy this time now when I can be a little more frivolous...
And truly I get so much done each day (between periods of utter fogginess/sleepiness) that I am so thankful to have gotten done before she came...like acquire a bookshelf for all the kids books she already owns and go grocery shopping!

The other day I had to take Justin's truck in to get the door handle fixed (which until I realized I could roll down the window to free myself, meant crawling out the passenger side).  I felt like such a badass, driving around in his manual pickup with my belly riding up against the wheel.... Later I walked downtown to the co-op to pick up some groceries.  On the walk back my flip flops broke, so I kicked them aside and walked home: barefoot and 9 months pregnant with a carton of eggs under my arm... it felt like I was auditioning for different movies starring redneck pregnant women that day. 

Justin is busy busy busy with bees and farm work in addition to working 30hrs/wk at the Montessori school.  We are really looking forward to our babymoon, wherein he will take a week off and we can just be home. the three of us, enjoying nothing but each others' presence.

at the Coralville Res

Mrs.

April showers bring May flowers--and babies! I'm 34weeks now, so only 6 more weeks to go in theory. I secretly hope for a little Taurus babe, though I feel it wrong to try to sway anything in a certain direction. So we'll see! That'll be the way of it if she comes early.

March brought a lot of action and change. In the final days of February we were able to move into our new place, which we adore. I left on leap year day to the Illinois Vipassana Center for a 10-day meditation sit in Pecatonica, Illiniois. This was a much needed retreat from the huge hustle and bustle of daily life, which had felt like a continual grasp for grounding. For 10 days, I was more or less in complete silence, took naps, meditated of course, and didn't have to cook or clean. Ahhh it was great! Then back to reality. I returned March 11th and continued nesting into our new place and prepared for house guests.

My sister Kristen and her husband Dave had plans to come into town for business, and so Justin and I decided to go ahead and rather secretly wed. Yep, you read that right. This was something we had been talking about doing, and the idea of planning a big wedding for my huge families and so many friends who I'd want to include was more than daunting. Ideally, we would have had a barnyard party on the fall solstice with live music, a puppet show, dancing, a feast of local food, and our closest 400 friends and family members :) But who has the time to plan (or pay) for that?! Soooo our friend Kristin became a minister online. Justin's mom and aunt drove up from Texas. My parents and bro came from Des Moines for the afternoon. And basically right after Justin got off work on a Tuesday afternoon, we walked through Oakland Cemetary to Hickory Hills Park, climbed up on a rock, and said our vows. We then walked back to our house, ate some chocolate cake, the ladies casted my belly in plaster while the men turned in the marriage license to the county recorder's office and had a beer, and then we went for dinner.

So we three are now the Cornett-Olssons :)

And so now, I am continuing to nest and get our home ready. I am still doing some low-key midwifery work, mostly chart work and organizing for the midwives with whom I will be working full-time starting in July/August. I hope to attend a couple births as well before Cricket comes in May. Justin is starting to work a ton now as the farm work is picking up and he just got his bees hived. He's working 30hrs a week at the Montessori school still and then going up to Salt Fork farms in Solon in the afternoons/evenings, where he's starting planting and caring for little chicks, and of course keeping his bees, which we are both so excited for! When the school closes for the summer he'll be working full-time on the farm.

Well that's enough excitement for now! Love! Rachel and Cricket Cornett-Olsson

ceremony

our home

belly cast!

muah!

February. Wow.

Well as it seems to go, so much has been happening that I just haven’t had time to update, which means I’ll only be skimming the surface here.
We moved to Iowa City a couple days before New Years. Days later, we decided to move out of the rather dumpy place we had chosen from a distance, which entailed a lot of headaches and stress, but thankfully we were able to pay to get out of the lease and found a temporary place. Now we are moving again, and we sure hope it’s the last time for a couple years….lease signed until August 2013! This is where Cricket will be born, and we couldn’t be more excited about that. The one bedroom house on a gravel road in town backs up to a beautiful cemetery and park, and was actually featured in a painting by Grant Wood. It was built in 1848!

Between Texas and here we had quite the adventures...first selling our car in one day on Craigslist after having packed it up, upon realizing it might not make the journey (which was nice in the end, because we got to come up together in Justin's truck, but with less stuff than anticipated). Kansas City for the holidays and my grandparents' 70th wedding anniversary. Then Des Moines for a few days. And finally to Iowa City...with all our crap.

Here in Iowa City, Justin is working as an assistant-teacher at the Montessori School of Iowa City and I am doing some office work for my midwife and the midwife who I will very soon be doing births with. I was nannying for a 6mth old, but I started having a lot of contractions and wound up in the hospital overnight being treated for preterm labor, so I promptly stopped that work. The hospital experience was pretty icky, but ultimately good for me as a midwife…it’s all part of my journey in learning and experiencing different aspects of pregnancy and birth. I just thank God, Allah, the Devine, Universe, etc that I am not going to have to have the baby in the hospital… a few hours of being strapped to the monitor and I understood on a bodily level why so many women end up with C-Sections and epidurals in the hospital—you just become so disconnected from your body, not to mention become so physically uncomfortable and agitated! I was on bedrest for awhile and am just now getting back to normalish activity. I really miss going for nice long walks and yoga classes though! Soon enough I’ll be back to it, but I am still having a lot of contractions (several an hour), so I try to take it easy.

Other than that, Justin and I have been fighting lots of colds due to lack of sleep (from last week’s events), stress, and bugs from the Montessori school making their way home. Justin is also getting more and more involved with a farm 10 miles north of Iowa City, where he will be working full-time this summer, and hopes to get a little bee/honey operation going there as well asap.

The weather here is beautiful. I can’t help but delight in the sunshine, but Justin keeps reminding me that this is not normal weather and the prairie is suffering… yeaahhh but... :(

That’s it for now! I’ll be doing a 10-day meditation sit the first week and a half of March, so I shall be incommunicado.

Love!

Our little Cricket (this was almost 5 weeks ago at 22wks)

26wks

me, CPM

I can't believe I forgot to say too that I passed my boards and am now officially a Certified Professional Midwife (CPM). So that is very exciting for me; it's what I've been indirectly and directly working toward since early 2006 when I wrote the grant to go to Bali, Indonesia to study prenatal and perinatal customs, and saw my first birth.

Now, unfortunately that doesn't mean I can legally practice in my home state of Iowa yet. This year will be the 3rd year to have legislation at the capital to decriminalize and hopefully license midwives in Iowa. Iowa will hopefully become the 28th state (I believe) to do this. ALL of the other states are currently working to do the same. So if you live in Iowa, get in touch with your state legislator and tell them you support the decriminalization and licencing of midwives in Iowa!

Happy Winter Solstice

Well I'm 18weeks almost (4 1/2 months) and next week we are leaving our Austin lives to be Northerners. I am on a mission to eat as many tamales as possible before then. I think I've already had my fill of breakfast tacos and huevos rancheros by now, but I'll probably slide in another set of each before we leave Friday morning.

I just worked my last shift at YogaYoga, the best yoga studio ever, and probably worked my last shifts as a sub at the Montessori schools and a PRN nurse at a nursing home. Now my work is packing and cleaning. We realized we were doing this exact same thing at this time last year. We had a good laugh and mused: what the hell is wrong with us? hahaha

I've had some recent wonderful Austin experiences lately; trying to cram them in before I live in tiny (wonderful in different ways) Iowa City again. The farmers' market is still going on (temps are in the 50s here) and last Weds Justin and I feasted on vegan, organic tamales at one. A week ago we had a chakra balancing session with Tibetan bowls, where Everitt (one of my yoga instructors) put the bowls along our spines and at our head and feet and played them, as well as played the gong. Last night we went to a winter solstice gong ceremony with probably 50 other people. It started with a short kundalini yoga class, followed by laying back and having the vibrations of gongs wash over us, played by 3 different people. Also yesterday I just happened to walk by my neighbor's house, where they were hanging out and doing cleansing ceremonies with a Huichol Shaman from Mexico. He was delighted that I was pregnant and did a ceremony with me which involved lots of spitting, brushing me with a feather, sucking energy from my body, and rubbing me with something that smelled like alcohol, menthol, and herbs. In the end he said the baby was very happy and healthy.

A less unique experience occurred a few weeks ago, and is really not Austin-esque at all, but it's fairly telling of our lives. We had a giftcard to Walmart (don't ask), which is the only reason we stepped foot in there. Since we never go, it was like an exotic vacation: looking at all the people, experiencing the bright lighting, the smell of rotting produce, etc. Justin mentioned he wanted some coconut ice cream and we doubted they would have it, but wouldn't you know, they did! So we each got a pint, and after making the rounds and getting the full experience of Walmart, we rounded it out by sitting in the McDonalds, using plastic spoons borrowed from them, and ate our coconut milk icecream, while we watched other people spend their Saturday nights as well in the Walmart: working, hanging out, shopping, eating, whatever. Why this story took up a whole paragraph and the stories about solstice ceremony, gongs, tibetan bowls, chakras, and a Huichol shaman had to share a paragraph, is probably also indicitive of where I'm at in my life and what is really "out there" to me. Haha.

We're heading to San Antonio in a bit for Christmas with Justin's family. I'm excited to be making a strawberry rhubarb crisp for them. I ran across rhubarb at the grocery store (eeep imported from Holland!), and just had to get some because Justin has never had it before, because generally they don't sell it down here since it appears they do not grow it...

Loves!
Rachel

gong and bowls: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hncJzoAiAw

13wks

Well. I've had a hard time cajoling myself to update: yet again daunted by the sheer density of the past several weeks. That and I've had to feel things out and see how they're going to go before writing about them publicly.

I hated Kansas City. I was driving all over the place, which in a way was interesting, because I learned the streets of a city that I have spent so much time in, but never been the driver or the one in charge. So now when I go back to visit family, I'll know where to get some awesome dolmas, go for a great walk, people watch, and take a free yoga class---and take the back roads/scenic routes. Much more significantly though, I hated my job. I found it demoralizing. The practices of the docs/nurses and the hospital were out of the dark ages and they were disrespectful and actually quite unethical in their treatment of low-resource patients. I won't go into that because I had enough trouble getting it out of my head at night for weeks following. So since then, I've been hugely battling with the hospital and the staffing agency to get some sort of pay, even though I was only there for a week of training and one day on the floor.

After a particularly horrifying day on the floor (yes, the only day), I decided Ohhhh NO, this won't do. I won't be here long enough to actually influence their culture of practice, and this is just too demoralizing. So I quit. And here's where it get's more interesting.... Justin and I had been talking more at this point: sometimes in nice voices, sometimes in stern ones, but it was productive and we knew we wanted to make it work. Why? Because it turns out that about 24hrs before breaking up, it would appear that we conceived...that is, by this time in Kansas City I was about 8 weeks pregnant (another reason I could not stomach the ill treatment of pregnant women and babies)!

So I decided I may as well come down to Austin, TX and see how things go with Justin and me. I was not naive enough to think that just because we were having a baby that we had to be in a romantic relationship again, but I figured since we both really love each other and have had some time to work on things for ourselves, we may as well give it a fresh start, and if it works out great! If it doesn't we'll still be good co-parents. I stopped along the way at the Vipassana meditation center outside of Dallas for a few days, which was perfect. Then, less than a week after leaving the job, I was living in Austin, TX with Justin.

I feel like it's all been meant to be. First of all I feel like there were plenty of other opportunities that we could have conceived earlier in our relationship, but it seems that what was meant to happen is that it occurred at a time when we could take some personal space and work out some issues (as opposed to traveling in Mexico together for example). I also think that I somehow knew that I was going to become pregnant and had to pull the breaks on our relationship to allow some space for us to do some internal work, so that we could come back together and be great partners and parents. Secondly, I think that I was meant to go to Kansas City to work at that terrible place so that I could impact the culture there in some way--I of course made sure that the DON (director of nursing) and the hospital's director were informed of the out-of-date practices and unethical treatment of patients on the L/D floor. Living in Kansas city also gave me the unique opportunity to spend some quality time with my family who lives there. And I probably just needed be be distracted for a little longer before the situation was ready for Justin and I to proceed.

So I have been down here, for almost 6 weeks I think. Wow. Justin and I are doing great! I am so happy that I was able to come down here. We are taking a prenatal parenting class, which discusses the psychology of the fetus/neonate/baby and of the couple, highlighting the different regions of the brain (reptile, mammal, human/neocortex) and their importance in communication (etc!). We're also doing counseling. And we're reading books together on conscious pregnancy and parenting. There are some expected bumps, but I really feel that because we are eager to sit down to difficult and honest conversation, we have a super solid and fulfilling relationship. I feel so blessed by everything.

So for now Justin works at a Montessori preschool/kindergarten and I substitute there as well as at a different school. This has been awesome exposure to little ones (2 months of age to 6yrs) and exposure to different ways of consciously raising kiddos and facilitating their independence and self-esteem (etc). I also have a work-trade at a yoga studio. Our plan is to drive up to Kansas City for Christmas and my grandparents' 70th wedding anniversary (!) and then on to Iowa City, Iowa, where we are intending (manifesting) to buy a house and live happily ever after and never travel again :) I will be joining a homebirth midwifery practice as a Certified Professional Midwife (I just took my test in Niagara Falls Canada last week) and Justin will start building bee hives and preparing a honey business for the spring. He's also looking at opportunities to work with local farmers as well as maybe assist at alternative schools in Iowa City (Montessori or otherwise). We will miss the frequent trips down to San Antonio to visit Justin's parents and grandma, but they are already planning their road trip up to the exotic midwest.

So, phew! There it is! Here I am! Again, I am exhausted looking back and seeing what I've been up to in just under a couple months. I cannot wait to significantly slow down my life. Hibernating and gestating in freezing Iowa will be a good place to do so :) and we can't wait to get out of the traffic of Austin.

I just found this new video of Kimya Dawson, who is singer-song-writer/activist who I rather adore. She just put out an album inspired by being a mother. If it doesn't make you smile, ummm you should probably just watch it again :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VELferPHZIo

Love!
Rachel + baby "Cricket" (due to enter this world the end of May)

our glowing fetal Halloween pumpkin :)

Kansas City

Just a quick update to say that I am in Kansas City now: finally (temporarily) employed! :) I've taken an 12wk contract nursing job, which is at a big medical center. I'll be working rotating nights and days (ugh) on labor and delivery. The good news is, that I get to live with my Aunt Mary and be close to a bunch of my cousins and Aunt Jan/fam and my grandparents. I'll be here until Christmas. And then in January I'll be moving to Iowa City. Yay! I'm looking forward to checking out the salsa dancing scene here...

#$%$%&*(@$

I was just about to write an entry about how having a tonsillectomy and breaking up with your loved one a day apart is not as good of an idea as it may seem (or was I just being optimistic)... sure you can validate try to put to sleep your shitty feelings with narcotics and eat all the coconut milk ice cream you want, but in the end I hypothesize you end up feeling more depressed.... last night (or was it the night before technically? since I'm writing at 3am) I took my last liquid vicodin, saying no no no more after this. It's making me too sad. Then today I went to the acupuncturist for pain relief (amazing) and started sobbing. He said that eating too much sugar (endless popsicles and ice cream) was making me hyper-emotional. Of course! I should have thought of that myself... no wonder I'm crying at every silly emotional thing that happens in the endless string of movies I'm watching. What a mess I am. He was very encouraging about it only being temporary though. Also I have been going crazy at my parents' house and planned to go to Iowa City tomorrow (today)...

OH WAIT, that was the entry I was thinking about writing earlier...and then I went to sleep and hemorrhaged! (the queasy-inclined need not read further... nor those offended by profanity)

Or as I said to my cousin Ike, I god damn mother f'n hemorrhaged from my tonsillectomy site. It was utterly horrifying and really really scary. I woke up around midnight. I'd been dreaming that I was drowning and I was swallowing really quickly. I remembered, possibly still in my dream, way back from my NCLEX nursing exam that THIS IS A SIGN OF HEMORRHAGE POST-TONSILLECTOMY!! I jumped out of bed and was a little unsure of what to do for a second and just kept swallowing, really quickly as the blood continued to pour into my throat. Then I spit into my hand and saw it was indeed blood, lots. Up until then, I was also optimistic that it was possible I had suddenly started producing A LOT of saliva.

I opened my mom's door to her room and said in a moderately panicked voice: "Mom, I'm hemorrhaging." She screamed for my dad who was still downstairs working on the computer. He ran upstairs and they started to debate about what they should do, as I stood over the sink and let blood pour out of my mouth. It was like The Exorcist. (Did that happen in the Exorcist? either way it was such an outrageous position to be in). They stood and discussed what they should do as I kept repeating "I have to go to the hospital." My dad ran downstairs and brought me a cup of ice. Not a bad thought, but I was pretty sure we needed to get to the hospital ASAP as I looked in my throat and could very literally see the blood spurting like a tiny hose from a vessel around where my right tonsil used to be. I could actually see it come in little waterfalls (stop, go, stop, go) like I'd always imagined a cut blood vessel appear. My parents continued to talk and I basically said: "ok, we're going to the hospital NOW!" I ran down the stairs and got into the car. My mom had to take a moment to sit down and breathe understandably, and consequently got left behind as I told my dad to leave her, go!

He sped down residential streets going 60 as I held a kitchen glass in front of my face to spit blood into, with my head between my knees. I thought I was going to die. I was blacking out in addition to cold and loosing sensation in my extremities. Before I could black out completely, I told my dad I loved him and I coached him to get to the ER and run in and say: "my daughter is outside in the car hemmorhaging and needs assistance now!" I just kept thinking as we drove across town that I was going to black out completely and I'd have to get intubated, get a blood transfusion, and get my surgical site re-cauterized....ahh!! And all at the dreaded county hospital!! Shit!

My dad did great and they directed him to drive in where the ambulances go. I was swarmed by nurses, and don't you know it: the bleeding stopped! It clotted! They helped me into a wheelchair and then a room, and got me into a gown. Just to prove I didn't make it up though, I had to start pooping like crazy from ingesting so much blood and going into a bit of shock. And in the end, it was pretty much fine! I couldn't believe it! I'm so grateful that in addition to all the ice cream, I made myself eat pureed spinach and broccoli, as well as take chlorella, and dal gonnit, that vitamin K from all the greens sure helped me clot my blood!

They basically just kept me for a couple hours to make sure the clot held up and bolused me (ie gave me IV fluids) since my blood pressure was in the 80s/40s. I thought for sure they'd take me to in re-cauterize the site, but the county hospital doesn't have an ENT on call so they said talk to my ENT later today and see what he thinks. Let me tell you: it's pretty gross to have a giant clot of blood just chillaxin' in the back of your throat, still touching enough tastebuds so that you're constantly tasting blood.

One may imagine that the reason I'm still awake is that I'm too scared to go to sleep, and they would be right! That, and I have to make frequent runs for the toilet. And anyway, I'm too pumped up with adrenaline after the terrifying experience. They said that this is exactly the time when people hemorrhage (around 8-9 days post-op) because the scab gets all crusty and hard like one on your knee would, and it gets pokey (to use a technical term) and can poke through a place and puncture a vessel. Pretty freaking crazy.

Well, I still need to clean the blood off the walls in the bathroom. I hope my parents' foreign exchange student hasn't seen it and is scared of what sort of people we may be, bwahaha. Classic.

May you all never experience blood shooting out of your own mouth or the mouth of a loved one :)

Good night/Good morning

Looking back 2 years, ago I cannot believe all that has transpired and where I am again—basically back in the same place I was. While these adjectives may sound negative, I don’t mean them to be—it’s all a matter of perspective: jobless, homeless, single, completely unsure of what the (even near) future holds... Hahaha.

2 years ago I was in Peru and had gotten a job just before leaving, so was planning on moving to New Mexico when I returned. I was mildly enticed by the adventure, but generally unenthused since I didn’t know anything about New Mexico, didn’t have any friends there, and felt like I was selling my soul to work in a hospital. The good news was I ended up adoring New Mexico, met so many wonderful friends, and didn’t really want to leave! Now I’m again considering a (short term) nursing gig again to make some $$ before diving into midwifery.

Some things I have going for me that I didn’t have 2 years ago: no debt, more nursing experience, my belongings are already packed, hardly any attachment to anything at all right now, and a sense of restlessness fueled by a breakup. What I don’t have going for me is: the icky feelings of a fresh break up, travel fatigue, healing from surgery, and dwindling cash.

The sparkling options now seem to be:

• Moving to Iowa City right now and working underground as a midwife doing home births. Downsides: risking going to jail and losing my nursing license, as Iowa is a hostile state for traditional midwives. Upsides: doing the kind of work I want to do. Getting to have an instant community of badass midwives and friends. Living in a place I already love.
• Getting a travel nursing job somewhere: Upsides: getting to check out yet another new place. Getting to meet new people and hopefully be in a place where I can salsa dance all the time. $$$ Downsides: having to work in a hospital, potentially working overnights and probably working 12hr shifts. Being alone in a strange city (when did I get so wussy anyway?)

So that I’ll figure out…I’ve got plenty more couch time to ponder it all and search the internet for endless possibilities as the gaping holes in my throat continue to heal.

As for the story of our relationship, it’s fairly simple. For well over half the time we’ve been together we’ve had “intense discussions” (if you will) at least a few times a month. Granted we’ve been together nonstop—literally 24/7—ok not always in the bathroom, but often—for a long time, so maybe for the # of hours spent together vs. the time normal couples spend together divided by the number of times they fight, maybe it’s not too bad…. But it got to a point, like in Haiti, where I simply did not feel it was healthy. I felt like I was continuing to stay in a situation that was not healthy for me—drained me physically and mentally so that I wasn’t doing the things I loved as much, nor I feel like being myself—and that seemed to be disrespectful to myself.

All of a sudden too, people were telling me it wasn’t worth it anymore. How could I justify keeping myself in an unhealthy situation, continuously re-agreeing to put myself in harm’s way and choosing to be anything but sparklingly happy, when I’m perfectly wonderfully happy by myself? Most of the harm was mental of course, but I feel that the mental stress accumulated in our bodies to produce physical illness. The relationship had actually become toxic to both of us. We were often beyond tired, my immune system was pitiful, and he was all of a sudden suffering from asthma attacks.

Sooooo in the coming months, I’ll be able to do some self work and self exploration, as well as lots of salsa dancing and yoga. J Justin and I still have our canceled trips to Peru to use before April, so we may take our time to work through some things and then meet up there…..OR have solo trips to Peru and hope to be friends someday…

check check check

• Spent some days in Iowa City where I took my midwifery skills exam and saw some good old friends.
• Returned yesterday afternoon from a trip to Chicago to see my dear friend Rachel Ann #2, who is headed to the Peace Corps in Morocco soon. As well, I got to have some heart to hearts with dear friends and put my life into better perspective, which has been hard to get recently, being so transient and without a kula (ie a community)
• Tonsillectomy today went smoothly....there are 2 large gaping holes in the back of my throat, and my uvula is swollen incredibly huge to resemble a finger hanging down from my palate

A juicy expose update to come...

my tonsils live in their rightful place now: a bio-hazard container

pics of the midwest

I forgot to mention too that we went to a huge prairie reserve east of Des Moines, which has buffalo and Elk at times and a really great prairie learning center. We went once at dawn and once at night to see it under the full moon!

largest pumpkin at the fair (and me in my overalls)

Justin and his too sweet corn

The famous butter cow

Prairie lovin'

Midwestern style

We've had a jam-packed visit here in the midwest...not yet including getting my tonsils out unfortunately. We thought that we'd be able to get them out quickly from the conversation I'd had with a receptionist here while in San Antonio, but of course things are always more complicated than that... so we've had quite a time of it making the best of the beautiful green Midwest. From the beginning we've been really excited about the fact that it's cool in the mornings and evenings here so you can go for a pleasant walk then (or just about anytime!) We've become intoxicated driving down the country roads with all the greenness of the forests and fields. I never thought I'd have trouble dragging a significant other away from my home state of Iowa.... haha

So a rough run down of what we've been up to is as follows:

• 2 days at the Iowa state fair in which we shared a veggie corn dog, drank numerous lemonades, saw the butter cow of course, and watched the outhouse races. (We passed on the fried butter on a stick).
• The Adel Sweet Corn Festival where we each ate 2.5 ears of sweet corn and Justin had his first pulled pork sandwich
• We went on a several mile bike ride to downtown and the capital and through the many amazing wooded trails that Des Moines has (really!)
• We got lost going to the Ledges state park and instead picked up a hitch hiker and took him to Coon Rapids and then Guthrie Center, stopping at a prairie reserve and a different state park afterwards.
• We surprisingly got to see some old friends (now living in DC and Chicago) at the local watering hole: El Rodeo
• Visited Ames, another Iowa town which is significantly cooler than it was 5 years ago.... everywhere is just bursting with local food and cool projects these days!
• Went up to Decorah and went to the Norwegian museum, ate lefse, camped in the back of the truck and woke up freezing and covered with dew, visited the amazing Seed Savers Exchange, and visited the Laura Ingals Wilder site up near the Wisconsin and Minnesota borders. North-eastern Iowa is super hilly and tree covered and beautiful!! And along the great Mississippi river we visited the Effigy Mounds National Monument/Park, which is yet another beautiful park, and filled with 200 Native American mounds and various artifacts built throughout out history, dating back to 1000BCE!
• We visited my friends and their new baby in Madison, WI, where we went to the wonder-filled Dane County farmer's market and strolled the beautiful streets of Madison. We even stumbled across a radical bookstore called Rainbow bookstore co-op which only furthered Justin's desire to move to the Midwest

Also my Dad wants me to mention what a cool dog and dad I have. It's true! :)

Ioway

Here I am in green green Iowa. We had two full long days of driving and camped at Arrowhead State Park in Oklahoma along the incredibly huge Lake Eufala. We stopped into Kansas City for lunch with Aunt Jan and Grandma and Grandpa O and then pressed on to Des Moines to catch my brother, Ted who was in town for the evening. We are tired! But so glad to be here. We went for a walk tonight and were surprised that it was so cool and pleasant. At no hour in San Antonio is it not hot and muggy. What a refreshing change!

menos Peru

Well, after the two rounds of antibiotics, I wound up sick again. It's been really frustrating, because I have been careful about what I eat and my activities and sleep. After a trip up to Austin to check out houses, I came back with swollen pus-covered tonsils again, so instead of going to the MD for another round of antibiotics, I went to the Chinese Medicine doc. He gave me some intense acupuncture and 2 bottles of Chinese herbs, and a few days later I am much better! I am so happy I didn't have to get more antibiotics...another huge testament to the powers of TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine). Even though I was slightly skeptical due to my sort of hopelessness toward getting better, I knew that antibiotics couldn't be the answer, that there must be some underlying issue that was not going to be treated by just killing bacteria. So thanks to TCM my immune system is up and fighting again and I am feeling much better.

Alas.... I have decided that my body would likely not fare well in super polluted, parasite filled, hot and humid jungle Peru, so we canceled the trip. Justin actually made the executive decision and we were in fact both--despite being sad about missing the clowns and kids--really happy to not be traveling anymore. I will however be traveling up to Iowa to get my horrendous tonsils removed, as I feel at this point they are doing me more harm than good. They are filled with cysts and scar tissue and even the new discovery of some holes....I so wish I could share a picture with ya'll :)

The great news is that we have found a place in Austin. It's rather temporary (maybe until November), but it'll be perfect to give us a chance to get to know Austin, and it's on the south side where we wanted to be. It's a covered air-stream trailer in the tree-filled yard of some older hippies who built their own straw bale house. There is plenty of room for gardening and even some bee-keeping....who knows maybe even some chickens. Yay! We are very excited and relieved to have this taken care of at last.

more on Texas

Well, it's been an interesting time here... I got really sick with a throat infection and actually took myself to the ol' western medical doctor (that is the pharmaceutical dr, not the wild west doc, however cool that would have been...). He was very impressed with my beefy, pus-filled throat and gave me a shot of the same antibiotic we used to treat gnorrhea in Haiti, but 4 times the dose, and gave me 10 days of oral amoxicillin, which I just finished... I've basically been recovering since then, with the exception of a (foolish) 25 mile bike ride in 95+ degree heat, which certainly set me back a few days on the road to recovery.

We made one trip up to Austin, but had poor timing and were there just in time to catch a lot of traffic and thus didn't have as pleasant of an adventure as hoped for...since then we've been considering moving to San Anton instead. (Other days we toy with the idea of moving to Iowa City...) Tomorrow though, we are giving it another shot, and will spend a couple days up there checking it out more thoroughly. I am really excited about the abundance of yoga, dance, kirtan, amazing restaurants and food, outdoorsy activities ETC there, so I don't want to give up on it yet, though we have also had a nice time biking around San Antonio and getting to know it. Justin grew up on the SE side and like most east-siders, so I hear, hasn't left that side of town much (till now), so he is equally enjoying discovering ol' San Anton.

In other activities, Justin bought a little 1999 Toyota truck, so that has made us feel right at home in Texas. In addition we have been wearing our cowboy boots out for special occasions (like Church with his grandma), and even went Texas two-steppin' at a dance hall called Cowboys a couple nights ago. We also went down to Pleasanton to visit his grandma, where we took her to a Czech mass and festival and also learned how to can/pickle jalapenos. Yeeeehaw! Aside from watching a million movies and reading, we've also spent a couple glorious days up in the hill country. We saw hundreds of thousands of bats emerge from an old train tunnel over a period of about 9 min near Fredricksburg (an old German town) and we wandered around the Cibolo nature center, where we saw an armadillo, watched a snake eat a large tadpole, waded in the river, sat in some cedar trees, and saw several deer and hawks.

Czech festival food

Justin Robert looking like a proper cowboy

Shiner beer is the local favorite

Our beautiful dill pickled jalapenos

Hanging out with Grandma Shiller in Jourdanten

Some pictures

Tlaxcala town center, outside of Mexico City



Copper Canyon




Saguaros in the Sonoran Desert




Me and Pancho Villa at his house in Chihuahua

Economic class on the beautiful Pacific ocean-Chihuahua train

.... .... texas

Phew. I am TIRED.

I can't be sure how many days we spent in Arizona. We were in Pheonix for a bit, then Tucson over night--just long enough to check out the revolution book store/cafe, go to a yoga class, and crash at a couchsurfers' place, who we never actually met, since she was out late and we left early. Couchsurfing is amazing like that though--she left her key and told us where to look for it, we vaguely got to know her by looking at her art and sleeping in her sister's room, and then we left. From Pheonix we got a ride through craigslist to Albuquerque with a guy who was following a band around the country. It was our first of too many long drives without airconditioning...it gave something to yearn for of the buses.

We spent about a week in Albuquerque and Santa Fe, which was really nice. We got to see old friends, have some familiarity, and eat such longed for foods as a really good breakfast burrito and Indian food. Unfortunately we didn't get to hike in the mountains at all though because of the fires, which weren't actually in town, but the smoke could be seen at sunset all around the city. I had a lot of nice girl time, which I didn't even know I had been craving so much after 6 weeks with one very nice but very boyish boy :) There were even some surprises like a scuba diving trip to the Blue Hole, which in itself was a surprise trip, but I was also surprised to learn that I don't really like scuba diving...snorkel only please! I also got to have dinner with my sister and brothers (or rather my brother-in-law and his brother, which seems to cancel out into 2 brothers). And to top it all off, I got to spend the fourth of July with friends and attend the Santa Rueda salsa fesitval.

We then drove down to White Sands (having picked up Justin's car and our bikes ETC) in Albuquerque. We had some fun there, then headed to Las Cruces. Basically we were killing time until I could meet with a midwife friend of mine in El Paso. Then to El Paso and on to the lovely west Texas town of Marfa. Marfa is one of the weirdest and coolest places I've ever been in the US, and certainly very American. It's as if the whole town decided to stay exactly how it was in 1969, with the exception of the addition of a couple coffee places and a beer garden. We stayed in a $60 "Safari Tent" at a place called El Cosmico, the cheapest deal in town (actually it's camping for $20, but we got in too late at night for that). Marfa also has an opera house, a lot of bicycles, and a mix of Hispanic, hipster, occasional movie stars, and redneck culture. We had a great time riding our bikes around the very interesting desert town. Justin didn't want to leave, but we were too tired to camp and couldn't justifying spending another $60 to sleep outside. The next day we intended to drive all the way to San Antonio, but ended up loving another west Tex town called Alpine (just east of Marfa actually), and took the scenic route to boot, so only made it to Del Rio.... another crappy motel, and then finally to San Anton, just a couple days ago.

We are exhausted and have been spending a lot of time watching movies and letting his wonderful mom dote on us. Tomorrow we are heading up to Austin to look for our new place. We have no specific move in date, but we are hoping to move in within the next few weeks, as we are headed to Peru in August for the Patch Adams trip.... our final fling before throwing ourselves into our respective businesses: babies and bees, and never leaving home again :) Ohhh to have a kitchen and bookshelves and a nice bed!

.........speaking of which, good night!

Ay Chihuahua!

These updates are getting a little ridiculous...too much to write so that I'm basically bullet -pointing what could be whole short stories.....anyway....
We took the train from Los Mochis to Creel, which was a beautiful day-long adventure. Taking the Chihuahua-Pacific railway was in fact probably my favorite thing of the entire Guatemala/Mexico adventure. It was a 10 hour journey through canyons and over rivers and through tree and cactus and small squatty town filled landscapes. We stopped in Divisidero to peer into the canyon's depth and grab some gorditas before jumping back in the train and landing in Creel for a couple days. There we hiked around the area quite a bit--visiting some hot springs, walking around the wild chaparral landscapes of caves--still inhabited by the Tarahumara--interesting rock formations, strange trees and shrubs, and then of course the occasional Tarahumara person, who generally kept very to themselves unless they were trying to sell baskets. I wasn't sure if they were afraid of us, or if they really just wanted to be left alone.

Then a bus to Chihuahua, where we spent a couple days again wandering around in the crazy heat. We went to the Mexican Revolutionary war museum/the house of Pancho Villa, where we saw the car he was assasinated in, among other things. We got our last fill of aguas frescas (large watered down juices sold in huge styrofoam cups). We bought cowboy boots....


Then an absurdly long bus ride...hopefully the last in for long time, to Pheonix, where we are now. We spent 3 hours stuck on the border in Juarez, which couldn't have been less exciting, but I suppose that's good, considering the possibilities. I don't think it's necessarily hotter here than anywhere else we've been, but I think it's made worse by the airconditioning--the goings in and goings out really wares on a person. We've spent a good amount of time at the Desert Botanical Gardens which are AMAZING, and tomorrow we are headed to Tucson.

Mexico City, Vallarta, and Los Mochis!

As I have come to love to say: ¨I simply couldn´t be bothered¨ (a phrase stolen from Brittish travelers) to write in Mexico City... I was having way too much fun/was too tired. We truly did not want to leave the great capital city of Mexico. The wonderful metro system, the cheap street food, the abounding museums and parks and interesting streets to stroll, and our amazing hosts kept us more than amused. All that you hear about the danger and pollution of Mexico City must be hodge-podge to keep annoying American tourists away. One of the city´s initiatives to keep air pollution at bay is a law that people can only drive 6 days a week, and is enforced according to the numbers on the license plate (eg if the last digit is 5 or 6, the vehicle cannot drive on Mondays). I can´t say how well it has worked specifically, but I can say that I found the city to be quite clean and pleasant.

Highlights in Mexico City (DF) included: tacos de canasta (really cheap tacos sold on the street out of a basket), weekend breakfasts with our amazing hosts of barbacoa tacos and soup with various vicera on sunny picnic tables along the street, the Frida Kahlo house/museum, trying pulque, taking a day trip to a small town to see the National Puppet Museum, Lucha Libre (Mexico´s very popular version of WWF), lots of fruit with chile and lime, and strolling around the many town squares and large parks. The experience in the metro was always interesting--we were either crammed into full trains or entertained by all the venders hawking anything and everything from home-burned CD mixes to barking stuffed dogs to sharpie marker sets to gun shaped flashlights. I always wondered how they decided on that particular object to sell and how many hours a day they spent doing it...was this just what the did on the way home from their other job or did they spend hours underground going from train to train every day? And was there a subculture associated with this world? Do the people who wander the trains all day with their crap get together for a beer at some point? So much to ponder.

From there we took a miserable 12hr overnight bus to Puerto Vallarta, which was just as miserable. Hot. Sticky. Way too expensive. Tacky-touristy. We only spent about 36hrs there before we got on our next overnight 12hr bus to Los Mochis. The reason we went to Vallarta was to see our friends who had recently moved there and had had a baby, and so seeing them did make it worth it. We went to a very nice beach, took a nice little barefoot hike around some abandoned mansions, and spent time lazing around with the 2month old baby. They also inspired us with their beautifully designed plans to create a community off the grid, which will incorporate all ages, organic farming, healing arts, meditation, private space for each family as well as shared common spaces, and lots more goodness. So we will keep that in mind as we start to settle down somewhere here in the very near future...

Now we are in Los Mochis. The 2nd 12hr overnighter was much better than the first, perhaps because we were exhausted enough to sleep or perhaps because we were so happy to get out of the latter town. So we showed up ready to explore our new town, which incidentally has little to explore, and so it was a great place to just kick back and enjoy sipping on some juice in the town square. We decided to spend an extra day just to relax before jumping on the Ferrocarril Chihuahua al Pacifico (an impressive freight and passenger railway with 36 bridges, 87 tunnels, and 655km of track). Tomorrow we board the train at 7am and will cruise through the states of Sinaloa and Chihuahua to Barranca del Cobre (Copper Canyon), which is a series of 20 canyons which comprise a region 4 times greater than the Grand Canyon. I am super excited! Then to Chihuahua and finally...on to the US! We had originally planned on heading south all the way to Peru, but we wanted to see this canyon and we are super tired of traveling....so next adventure is finding a place to live...very likely in the southwest....very likely in Austin, TX.

I would also like to note that we have noticed an affinity for CCR music all around Mexico, which we´ve found both odd and delightful.

I super love Mexico....